I know you’re jealous.

I posted this on my personal blog last November, and I still laugh whenever I read it. Thought you might enjoy.

***

This past weekend we went to a little eclectic random shop down in the West End (in Dallas). I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity to take pictures of all these little treasures. I have to warn you in advance though, many of the items pictured are making fun of Jesus or Christianity or fat people so if that makes you squirm, go ahead and close the browser window now.

*Disclaimer: I love Jesus, and Christianity, and fat people and this is just in good fun.*

You’ve been forewarned. Enjoy laughing your arse off…

Who wouldn’t want a package of magnets that look like chewed up bubble gum? I seriously was ‘this close’ to buying these magnets. I LOVE crazy magnets. I might go back and buy them. I’m having not-buyers remorse. I would totally stick one on the side of my sisters car, or on my moms fridge, or on the front of hubb’s new iMac. Okay, I’ve really got to go back and get these!

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Brazilliant.

Here’s hubb’s personal favorite. Er, well, he at least told me to take a picture of it. I can’t guarantee that it really was his favorite.

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Remember when you were a kid and you had that magnetic board with a man’s face on it and you could create hair and eyebrows and mustaches for him? My Mamaw had one. For all I know that thing was 40 years old. Maybe you have no idea what I’m talking about. Anyhoo, this one is way more fun, and totally un-PC.

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It’s just so wrong.

Everyone needs a Yodelling Pickle.

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Why go for the traditional mint when you can have coffee, waffle, or bacon flavored instead?

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Everyone needs some real Texas Bullshit. Why do you think they’re called “shit kickers” anyway?!

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Disposable Bullshit bag. Seals BS in.

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Directions:
1. Open Bag before opening Mouth
2. Tuck open bag beneath chin
3. Start “talking”, let the BS flow
4. When full, seal back and dispose of
Warning: Do not attempt to dispose of your BS through any government agency since they produce more bullshit than they can dispose of themselves. We suggest that you send it to the major networks in return for all they send out each day.

If you don’t ‘get’ these keys, then I’m not even going to bother to try to explain them to you. But I totally want them. Aren’t they so clever?

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Love it

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Tchotch Keys. Dying. My favorite.

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Total awesomeness:
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“Sink one in your drink” Who comes up with this stuff? They are genius.

Let’s talk about Action Figures, shall we?

OMG, the Avenging Unicorn

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Lil’ Tubby with all his treats. So wrong.

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I’ve always wanted a set of Horrified B-Movie Victims
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and a set of Angry Mob action figures
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And while we’re talking about Action Figures, let’s just roll this directly into all our Jesus Merchandise:

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Miracle Jesus? Glow in the dark hands?! Turn water into wine?!! Feeds 500 with 5 loaves and 2 fish?!!! Why do I find this so comical?

Everyone needs their own Holy Water.
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Seriously, I’m dying here

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Jesus Shaves. Brilliant.

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Everyone EVERYONE likes chocolate

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Too bad it’s blurry… Grow Mother Mary (???) Hilarious. And so random.

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I’d like eggs with that thankyouverymuch

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I still can’t believe we took our kids in there. I’m sure they are scarred for life. Probably not. They were so preoccupied eating their Blue Bell ice cream that I don’t think they even noticed all these terrible little evil amazing toys.

Lindsey (my sister who is even more evil than me bawahahahahahaha), don’t be too jealous. I’ll take you here next time you’re in town. 😉

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Comments

  1. I love the gnome and robot key tops! I used to have monkey key tops, but they are too faded to re-use, so I totally want to get gnome or robot key tops now. 🙂

  2. Wholly crap that’s a lot of crap. I don’t get the keys. I totally remember the magnet person toy though. Who doesn’t love a great game of quarters. You sure took a ton of photos. I’d have a field day in that store. I’d buy 1 of everything, I just can’t help it.

  3. I am not sure that my life will be complete until I have Holy Toast!

  4. hahaha this post cracked me up. some of these i had seen before and some were new.. thanks for the laughs. hehe.

  5. Hilarious… the bullshit bag and yodelling pickle had me crackin up.

  6. This totally reminds me of store hopping down on 6th street or SoCo!

  7. That was just sacrilicious! I totally needed the laugh. You must have had a ball!

  8. Freakin’ hilarious!!!! I love stuff like this. Reminds me of when I was a kid & my grandparents took us to this buffet to eat. They had a gift shop & in said gift shop was a “horny toad”. I remember being shocked when I turned the toad over & it was showing it’s manhood. My brothers & I thought it was a hoot. Still remember it like it was yesterday & it was actually more like 40 years ago.

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