Mean comments; plus some bloging tips

Let’s talk about

Mean Comments.


Source: etsy.com via Teresa on Pinterest

There will be a time, one day when you are not expecting it, that you will receive a mean comment. No matter how well prepared you think you are, it will knock the wind out of you. It has the power to ruin your day, as well as damage your confidence.


Source:
gotbyouthblog.tumblr.com via Rebecca on Pinterest

So, how do you deal with mean comments?

I wish I knew the magic solution. I’ve got a great support system of people who love my blog, so when I get a mean comment I’ll try to go back and read all the nice comments I’ve received. Also, I try to keep notes like this in mind:


Source:
weheartit.com via Allison on Pinterest

I use to leave every comment, nice or mean, on my blog. I felt like if I removed mean comments then my blog wouldn’t be authentic. I wanted to keep a forum of open mindedness where people can say whatever they want to say.

However, one thing I’ve learned, that I wish I would have learned sooner, is that there’s a difference between constructive criticism and people just being downright mean. I’ve decided the best way to deal with mean comments is to just remove them and give them no credibility. If you are being mean just for the sake of shaking my confidence and being mean, then your comment will be removed.


Source:
en-cour-age.tumblr.com via Allison on Pinterest

Your blog is exactly that… YOURS. I consider my blog my online home. I would not let a mean person into my real home, so why would I let them into my online home?

So that is how I deal with mean comments. They are outta here!

But how do you deal with the hurt they cause?


Source:
wipkits.blogspot.com via Allison on Pinterest

I’d be lying if I said there will ever be a day when a mean comment wont sting. It’s how you choose to deal with the comment that you have control over. I try to remind myself that an anonymous person online means nothing to me. The people’s opinions that I care about are the ones who lift me up and support me.


Source:
bitsofwisdom.org via Jennifer on Pinterest

Also, I try to stop for a moment, and decide right then and there to have a good day. You didn’t have a choice about receiving the mean comment, but you certainly have a choice in how you receive the comment. Just try to keep reminding yourself that you are enough. You are important. You are worth it. Choose to have confidence in yourself.


Source:
piccsy.com via Justin on Pinterest

And if all else fails, call up your best friend and have a good cry. Then choose to move on. Choose to be awesome.

And then remind yourself that people that leave mean comments are just ass holes. That always makes me feel better. ;)

*****

And now, some blogging tips to help each of you be a better blogger:

* What advice would you give other bloggers who are completely or relatively new?

* HoH: Everyone says to be patient and just take it slow. Your time will come. However, that is not how I felt when I was starting out! I wanted my blog seen. I wanted to be popular… like, NOW. Not in 6 months. I wanted it now. So I don’t give that advice. What I say is if you want it now, work for it and make it happen! You are in control of your own destiny. Don’t sit around and wait for someone else to make your blog popular. Here are my quick tips on getting your blog noticed now:

  • Link Parties. I’ve said it 100x and I’ll say it another 500. Participate in Link Parties. Find every single Link Party, big or small, in your niche, and enter them every single week. And don’t just link up. Link up FIRST. Be in the first 5-10 links and you will see crazy traffic.
  • Guest Blog. Find blogs that frequently have guest bloggers. Apply to guest blog on their site. Email them and ask them. Email other bloggers that don’t usually have guest bloggers and ask them too. The worst they will say is no. IF they say yes, make a killer guest post. Save your very best craft or project and use it as your guest blog post. If you want their readers to come to your blog and follow you, you have to wow them with great content on the guest blogs site.
  • Submit your posts. There are many blogs online that feature other peoples blogs. They are called Curator blogs. Find them and email them your posts! There is no shame in asking to be featured. If you don’t ask, they may never know about your blog. Introduce yourself to them and offer up some great posts. Chances are they will feature you if you ask.
  • Leave comments on other people’s blogs. Make sure they are genuine and that you have actually read their post. Sign it with your name, then the @ sign, then your blog name. ex: Allison @ House of Hepworths. Other readers notice comments and will click through.
  • Last but not least, don’t give up. Hang in there. Keep up with it. Be bold and brave. If you love blogging, do it for no one but yourself. Others will be able to see in your writing that you love it, and they will be inspired.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

This post was originally a guest post for my friend Tara over at TaraDara.


     
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Comments

  1. I am VERY new to the blogging world. Well, not new to reading, just to writing. I have only been writing for the last two weeks…and I am very excited about this new endeavor. THANK YOU for your post! It is very encouraging to hear what to do from someone who has been there. I can not thank you enough. Thank you also for the “beware post.” I hadn’t thought about negative comments. I’m sure that is naive on my part, but who really needs to say something negative about someone’s crafting/decorating blog? Really? Thanks for the advice, I am sure it will be well used!

    Heidi@HomemadeBeautiesByHeidi

    • Heidi, you are welcome! No matter how sweet as pie you are, there are mean people sometimes. It’s hard to ignore them and not let them hurt your feelings, but you’ve got to try. I’m headed over to check out your blog now. Thanks for your comment. :)

      xoxo

      Allison @ House of Hepworths

  2. Oh hey, I totally do the whole “name @ blog” thing. Also, I agree with the link parties thing a thousand %. I was wondering why my blog recently just stopped getting traffic, and I realized I hadn’t been posting on linkies! I started up again like yesterday and sure enough, I got my traffic back. (at least 10 new followers since yesterday. I swear by linkies!)

  3. Maybe the culprit needs to watch Bambi again. What did Thumper’s father tell him??? “If you can’t say somethin’ nice, don’t say anything at all.” Sorry you had to experience that Allison. {{hugs}}.

  4. I really enjoy your blog and read it all of the time. “Misery loves company”. mean people are lonely and want to drag other people down with them. Delete those comments, you are the boss of your own blog;0) Thanks for all of your inspiration, ideas and motivation!

  5. Thanks for this post, Allison. I really enjoyed it. I loved all of the little inspirational sayings you posted…I was just looking through these the other day and added a bunch to my pinterest thinking about how I could use them in a post! I think you stole my idea! ;)

    We all need to remember those little sayings, not just in blogging but in life too!

    Kristin @ A Simply Klassic Home :)

  6. Boo to mean comments! My first one upset me for days, now I just delete them. You’re Awesome!

    • Leanne,

      Oh I hear ya. I have been depressed and down for days because of one little mean thing someone said. It’s really hard to put yourself out there online and then have people be critical and mean. I always thought I had thick skin until I started blogging. Then I realized I don’t at all!

      xoxo

      Allison @ House of Hepworths

  7. Thanks for this…I’m ready for my first mean comment…come on…I’m ready to delete you and not let you ruin my day. I’m from Bastrop and so seeing your button for Bastrop fire victims really touched me. I too made a button and placed it on my blog. Our home is fine, we were evacuated but my heart goes out to my community…I love my little town.

    Carmen @ RoCa and Company
    http://www.rocaandcompany.blogspot.com

  8. Alison, you’re the friggin bomb.com! LOVE this post, LOVE your blog!

    Thank you for being awesome.

    xoxo, Mallory @ Classy Clutter

  9. Thank you for this post, Allison. I’ve been blogging away for 5 months now, and I feel like I’m hitting a plateau. No pity-party for me, though… thanks for the advice [and pep-talk- I totally needed that today]!!
    Oh, and mean people suck. You are hilarious. Just so you know, I’ve even had someone leave a completely random comment on my blog saying “Have you seen HoH… Allison is hysterical. It doesn’t matter what she writes about. If you need a laugh read her blogs.” Lol! Of course I already knew this… but your loyal readers are spreading the word for you :)

  10. I haven’t met a blogger yet that deserves a mean comment and certainly not you! There are a few mean and miserable people out there. As my momma always said, if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all!

  11. ugh. I hate mean comments. I too, decided to delete the (few, thankfully), negative comments I’ve gotten. I’ve decided that I will NOT let some anonymous asshole ruin my self-esteem OR my day!!!

  12. Mean comments stink! Although I have yet to have a mean comment left on my blog, I have experienced someone copying my entire blog content, which I think is just as mean! When I confronted the person about it, they just made their blog private. Thanks for the great blogging advice, Allison! I enjoy reading your blog so much!!!

    • Brandi,

      OMG, I would be livid! I had a blog steal all my photos of my cupcakes in cones, then make a collage from them and post it on their site as their own. I was so pissed. I made them take it down, but the image still is out there and it gets all the credit on pinterest. GRRRRRR. Finally I stole their collage image and put it on my blog post, so maybe google will at least eventually find me. :( That is why I now stamp every photo I post. Annoying, but worth it.

      xoxo

      Allison @ House of Hepworths

  13. i will never understand the need to be mean. I read your blog all the time and i’m trying to figure out why someone would say anything mean to you. seriously! you rock!

  14. I’ve really been enjoying reading My Favorite Hate Mail not only because those girls are funny but also because it is such a nice release when someone leaves mean comments. I haven’t had a mean comment in a while (knock on wood and all) but I’d love to send it there if I did end up with one.

    • I like that site, and read it too! I don’t submit my mean comments anymore though because I would rather delete them and move on instead of being mean back. But the site is so fun to read and I love the two girls who run it. They are some of my bloggy friends.

      xoxo

      Allison @ House of Hepworths

  15. In ALL the years I have been blogging I have never had a mean comment…really…NEVER!! I have seen other bloggers mentioning such comments they received and it hurts me to think people are THAT *little* to leave such a snarky remark. It is indeed your blog, your prerogative to write what you want. But as I said, never had a mean comment PTL

    Hugs from Marian

  16. I love your Blog. I think it is great. I love you energy, your humour and all your wonderful ideas. Your home looks amazing. I really don’t understand the mean person syndrome. Have read a few awful comments on other blogs. It must be hard to ignore but I guess there is not much else you can do. Just think how gutless they are. Their opinion is worth less than zero.
    Look forward to reading all your future posts and being inspired to get off my butt and do something myself. Best Wishes, Dianne

  17. You keep being you!!! I am so angry at that person (whoever they are) for trying to tear you down. You have no idea how LOVED you are and what a blessing you are to the people who read your blog. You inspire and motivate and there is so much power in that.

    • ::blush:: Wow, thank you. I really wasn’t trying to get people to love on me so much. I just posted about mean comments to help you guys out! I really am enjoying the HoH love fest though. :P

      Thanks for being so nice!

      xoxo

      Allison @ House of Hepworths

  18. First, I love your blog and I, too, think you are hilarious. I make it a rule to only read blogs that have the potential to make me giggle. It means I am not well informed on the world at large but, whatever, I know how to make a wreath now. I do not have a blog, utter lack of talent precludes such things, but I read through My Favorite Hate Mail out of curiosity. Holy rudeness. Were the women who own it not so funny, I couldn’t have made it through. After some pondering, I have decided that, along with being insanely-annoying, those people must just be sad. And lonely. And unheard in their regular lives. And perhaps unbalanced. Thanks for the laughs and continue with your hilarity, please!!

    • Yay! I’m glad you love my blog. Seriously. I love comments like this. YOU are the reason I keep doin’ what I do. Mean people suck so I ignore them. I will most definitely continue on with at least trying to be funny. ;) And hopefully I’ll actually inspire along the way with my decor skiiz. I told Ben today though that I think people really only like my sarcasm, and my decorating is 2nd, so maybe I should just start being more of a comedian and focus less on decorating. lol. He didn’t agree and said to keep doing exactly what I do.

      xoxo

      Allison @ House of Hepworths

  19. Thank you for posting this. First, I can’t imagine anyone being mean to you! Everything you put out is so helpful and good! Second…I so appreciate your blogging tips. I’m new at this and you have been a main source of inspiration. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

  20. This post was wonderful…and so encouraging. I’m still “finding my voice” in the Blogworld and really appreciate all of your tips and advice. You’re wonderful!

  21. I’m so sorry about the “meanness” out there! My MOMMA taught me that “if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all!” It’s just RUDE.

    I have to tell you, Allison, THANK YOU for all your help, tips, support, inspiration and guidance. You are a wonderful blogger and friend. :)

  22. Hi Allison, Well-articulated post. It does feel like a sniper’s attack when a mean comment pops up and I hear what you said about “authenticity” and leaving them on your blog… I’ve struggled with that too but the mean commenter is like a nasty kid on the playground and if they can’t play nice, they can’t play!

    Happy Weekend… Malia

    • I will leave comments that disagree or have a different POV. I just remove the ones that are mean and leave no value at all. I like a little debate, but if all you have to say is, “you suck, are ugly, and I hate your blog” then you WILL be removed. Period. And you are right, it does feel like a sniper’s attack. Great way to put it!

      xoxo

      Allison @ House of Hepworths

  23. Can I put a shout out for my awesome sweet wonderful friend Kassi??? She has a blog called Truly Lovely and she does a blog feature every Thursday!! If ANYONE is interested! She’s so super sweet and VERY supportive so I HAD to put the word out there for you and your awesome readers!! :)

    http://www.trulylovelyblog.com/

  24. I hate that you received mean comments, because your blog is awesome, I enjoy opening up my emails to see the wonderful transformation and tips and ideas that you post…..You keep doing what you are doing, you make a LOT of people happy….

  25. Great post Allison. Thanks for offering such great advice on two important subjects! I love your tips and your honesty. Have a great weekend! :)

  26. I wish more people understood that being nice does matter (mean people suck!). Not that my opinion matters much other than in my house, I think you’re awesome. :)

  27. Ter'e Crow Lindsay says:

    I am a rug hooker! Great artform, btw! Love it.
    Since I have been a “hooker”………I have had to deal with two really mean people. One, an online person I had never met. The second was a woman who ran a rug camp.
    In the first instance, I turned around, sold most of my books, hooking equipment and decided hooking was not worth it! I hurt me in the end! In the 2nd case, I was acused of STEALING. I wouldn’t steal a penny if I was dying of thirst! Both instances just devastated me. My self estem was in the toilet for months on end.
    How I wish I would have had your blog to fall back on. Thank you Ms. A for teaching us how to better deal with this type of situation.
    Better than that —- thank you for being so “real” and sharing all your tidbits with us. There are those of us, who love and respect the person you truly are……..and for that, I stand, applaud and say a huge thank you. YOU GO GIRL.
    P.S. And no, we have never met. I have probably left very few comments. Nonetheless, I walk out of my computer each day, with a huge smile on my face, becasue of you. Thank you!
    P.P.S. My new Stella & Dot earrings, like yours, will arrive today. :-)

    • OMG, thank you so much for such a nice comment! Wow, you are awesome. I’m sorry you had such a bad experience with your rugs. That is just not fair of people to be mean and put others down. Are we in the 6th grade again? I didn’t think so.

      You should start doing rug hooking again. It sounds like you love it, so just do it for you and ignore the haters! You are worth it!!

      xoxo

      Allison @ House of Hepworths

  28. BRAVO, Allison! Well said and great advice.

    Blessings,
    Angie @ Knick of Time

  29. I cannot imagine anyone leaving you a mean comment but I know that some people just can’t help themselves and that’s really a shame. Thanks for the great blogging tips. These are great reminders for all of us!

  30. Okay, Allison, I’m a little older than you (mid-50s…there, I said it. Ouch!). First of all, you need to know that that crap gets easier to shed as you get older, like water off a duck’s back.

    Secondly, as silly as this is going to sound, feel the hurt. Be sad. Feel the sting. Cry, pout, scream, wallow in self-pity (my favorite), curse and swear, DAMN IT, and all the rest of the stuff that comes with being the victim of some creepo spewing meanness…..but set a timer!!! You got that right, baby, set a timer. Give yourself a half hour a day (or however long you wish). Hold the tears, anger, frustration, and sadness until, for example, 11:00 a.m. It will all come rushing out. Talk, and/or scream and/or write in a journal. Do whatever suits you. Then when your time is up, get on with your daily life until tomorrow or the next time when the timer goes off. Do it twice a day for a few minutes at first, if that works better. Just schedule the time. Oh, forgot to say that I think it’s best to set up a time when you can be alone.

    At the end of my short-lived first marriage, a therapist gave me that technique and it worked quite well for me.

    Oh, yes, and remember that the jerkface coward in question who HAS NOT and WILL NOT get the best of you won’t go to heaven (I love playing God)!!

    I agree!! You are the bomb.com!! And a laugh riot, too!!

    Have a great day, sweetie pie!!

    Love,
    Judie

  31. P.S. I love it that you can delete those comments!!

  32. Thanks for your tips for new bloggers! I am a very new blogger and I get so excited when I get a new follower or comment! Your tips were definately helpful!

  33. You mentioned in one of your road trip posts (and I’m too lazy to go find it) that you got to meet one of your blogger heroes. I know you talked about meeting TDC and how excited you were. Well, if I could meet any blogger in real life, it would be you. You are my blogger hero. Just thought you should know. :)

  34. Hi Allison. Just wanted to let you know, that as one of your subscribers I appreciate your blog. You have some great ideas and some great posts. Thank you for allowing all of us into your little world. Always keep your head up, because as you can tell by all the Nice comments, you have an army of fans!
    Thank YOU, Allison!

    Jamie

  35. Thank you so much for the reminders, the ones about kindness especially!
    And thanks for the blogging advice and reminders as well, I am a new blogger (May 2011) and am still feeling my way around, good to know some other ways of getting my blog seen and read!
    Heather @ NoBusinessLikeSewBusiness

  36. Excellent post, I love your advice! I still can’t believe that there are people out there who would intentionally leave a nasty comments, or be mean, but sadly there are. I like to think that it will all come back to them some day, and it will, its the law of cause and effect, or karma as some people call it.

  37. Such great advice – thanks for sharing. I love your blog! Oh and your house. and um… all the stuff in your house. LOL

  38. It’s football season again, how can people take the time to be mean?! As always, Allison, your blog always puts a smile on my face, so let the “good” comments put one on yours.

  39. Well I LOVE you! Seriously girl you are such an example to me. And you have no Idea how all your kind emails and comments have affected me. You are amazing. I ove you, your blog and your creative ideas.

    Whitney
    A mommy’s life…with a touch of YELLOW

  40. Allison – Thank you so much for this info. I write two blogs and I feel like they are both at a stand still when it comes to gaining more followers. I don’t religiously link up to parties…so I guess I should start! :)

    Thank You!!!
    Kelsey
    http://www.poofycheeks.blogspot.com
    http://www.snowconeslollipops.com

  41. Such good advice! I hate that people can be so cruel, and it’s so good to take a step back and assess the situation like you described!! Thanks for always being honest too :)

  42. Great informative and uplifting post Allison ! Thanks a lot, lot , lot !

    I just went over 100 followers and I am on cloud nine over it…silly ME ! I never thought I could be successful in this blogging..but I find it so much fun, and so informative about everything I’m interested in !

    -KAT-

  43. Hi- This is the first time I have made a comment but I have been reading your blog for awhile and I just wanted to tell you that I love it. Keep up the GREAT work :)

  44. Hi, I don’t have a blog, but I have commented on enough to have seen my fair share of mean comments. I always find it interesting that the majority of those who leave those nasty comments, do it without leaving their name. That alone should tell you plenty. They are cowards and have nothing better to do with their time. There world must be so awful and painful for them that they only get relief by bringing others down. They are not worth your time or thoughts. Yep that ole delete button is a handy gadget!!!!! Keep on posting and delighting the blogging world and don’t give those people a second thought!
    Jill

  45. I’m a genealogy blogger but also love crafts, interior decorating, etc., etc. Very good points bout blogging. I started about 3 years ago with my genealogy blogs. Even though it’s tough to always think of something to say, I’m glad I started them.

    Don’t know if this applies to the crafting blogs since I don’t read them as much as the genealogy blogs. With genealogy blogs, another thing that helps, at least when you first start blogging, is participating in the daily memes.

  46. I am so sorry you received a mean comment. I guess it happens to all of us eventually, but that does not mean that it does not hurt. I am here, and I like you and your blog. I get buried with work so come guest blog for me sometime, I would love it!

    Hugs,
    Susan and Bentley
    @ Ash Tree Cottage

  47. Allison, I like how you put it “knock the wind out of you” that’s exactly how I felt when I got the one “mean” comment a few years back. It did feel like someone broke into my home as well!

    Recently I posted about bloggers who start blogs just to spew hatred against “Big Bloggers.” Really? Who has the time…

    http://andmyhouse.blogspot.com/2011/09/when-bloggers-become-haters.html

  48. This is such an important thing to learn. I think it is important outside of the blogging world too because mean people exist everywhere. However, people seem to be fearless when hiding behind the internet and can be extra mean. What a great inspirational/educational post.

    On your tip about having/being a guest blogger, what do you recommend new bloggers do to attract guest posters? Email bloggers that we like and ask them to be a guest poster? Put up an “ad” on the blog looking for them? Just curous what your advice would be. It is definitely something I am interested in but have never really hit on the way to do it that made me confident enough to pull the trigger on it.

    Also, I want to thank you for hosting the link party each week (and featuring me too!). You are 100% correct that link parties drive a crazy amount of traffic to a site. Your link party has definitely given me a HUGE increase traffic and I really appreciate you hosting each week.

    • Shannah,

      I would just email other bloggers and ask them. Also, definitely post about it on your blog! Other bloggers will jump at the chance to guest blog! I’m glad my link party has helped send traffic to your blog. I love blogging and I especially love using my blog to show off other bloggers and help everyone else out.

  49. Thanks for the blogging tips. I’m a new blogger and need all the help I can get! Looking forward to linking up to your next party.

  50. I love it, “Whenever I get sad, I stop being sad and get AWESOME!”

  51. What do you do when you get a hateful (not constructive criticism) comment? Send it over to the gals at:
    myfavoritehatemail {dot} blogspot {dot} com
    Where Mean Comments Go To Die!

    These ladies give you a chance to respond and have the last say (respectfully of course!)

  52. you took the wrods right out of myself–I could not agree more! I wish mean comments didn’t effect me, but they do–I suppose every day we get a little bit thicker skin in this blogging world. love you and support you! xoxo, ashley

  53. So, I just got a not-so-nice comment on my bathroom makeover. My house was neglected for 4 days while I sanded, painted, patched, primed, measured, taped, painted, cut and painted molding, hung molding and then cleaned up. I worked my butt off on this project and I’m damn proud of it! And I LOVE the result.

    Some “anonymous” jerk just said “It doesn’t look any different to me besides the paint”. I was hurt at first, then PISSED! If you don’t think it looks any different, then move on. No need to post your thoughts. I deleted the comment rather then rebuttal.

    Just had to come back here and let you know I got my first negative comment. It wasn’t bad, but still unnecessary.

    ~Michelle
    (I linked up my bathroom on HOH. I think it’s # 4 or 5 this week)

  54. I know this is an old post, but I just found your blog and I love it already! Thanks for this post; it has so much helpful information, especially since I’ve only been blogging for about 6 months. Sometimes it’s hard to keep going, but your last piece of advice was very encouraging. I blog because I enjoy it and I’m not about to give up. Thank you so much!

    Elizabeth @ The College Seamstress

  55. Wednesday Eclipse says:

    I’m new to blogging, and I left my blog for some months for a break. I changed the setting to allow anonymous comments, and haven’t been having any comments until recently. An Anonymous commented on my latest post about the Living Dead Dolls. I talked about them and that my parents bought them for me when I was 16 and that I think they’re creepy-cute, and this person comments, “Dumb 2 year old’.

    Always someone “serious” will think I’m childish. I’m 19, and I don’t think a 2 year old can work the internet and know how to spell (unless they’re really smart).

    Someone’s just gonna troll you like that saying you’re a child just because you like to “Have fun” and like to hold onto your “inner child”.

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  2. [...] of typographic statement art on pinterest* that was so amazing I even used it when I talked about mean comments last month. I’m really bummed though because the original source has been deleted and I [...]

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