Follow-up to my “ping pong emotions” post

I really don’t like having too many overly-wordy posts back-to-back (especially emotionally draining ones!) so after this follow-up post I will be posting a new post with lots of pictures. It will go up around 7am tomorrow morning (Tuesday) so make sure you check back in the morning for a fun new post.

Hey guys! Wow, last week I was a mess, wasn’t I? I wrote a very long, very raw post about freaking out about moving and considering moving back. After reading all your amazingly kind and supportive comments and really thinking about the Hepworth future all weekend, I am happy to report that I am happy and I know moving to the new house was absolutely the right decision.

You all are seriously amazing. Your advice and support and virtual hugs were exactly what I needed to calm my nerves. Who needs a therapist when I have all of you?! Your comments, suggestions, and advice were spot on and exactly what I needed, so THANK YOU!

I will admit, I am pretty embarrassed now that I had such a public meltdown (at least there wasn’t any head-shaving or beating things with an umbrella), but what I’ve learned (and hopefully you have too) is that no matter what you are going through, no matter how isolated you feel, you are not alone. I had no idea that my freak-out was “normal”. I thought I was totally neurotic and nuts-o for reacting like that about moving. Posting about it made me feel very vulnerable and exposed, but in doing so I realized that many of you also went through the same thing. Realizing I wasn’t alone really helped to calm my fears.

One thing I did that really helped me zero in on what my real issue was was to break it down into little chunks. I started from the beginning and asked myself basic questions.

“Should I have sold my other home? Yes. I feel good about that.”

“Do I like the new house we bought? Yes, I love it.”

“Do I like the new yard? Yes.”

“Am I happy with the new school district? Yes, I am very happy.”

“Do I mind driving 20 minutes to get to stores? No, I don’t mind driving that far.”

“Do I like the neighborhood? Well… I’m not convinced. But I think I can like it.”

Breaking the entire situation up into little pieces really helped me narrow down what my issues are so that I could focus on them and talk them out with Ben.

After a weekend long therapy session in the form of reading 75+ awesome comments I’m happy to report back that I am doing well and am overall still excited about the move.

What I’ve learned?

No matter what you are going through, you are never alone in it.

I was/am grieving about my old house. As much as I’m ready to move on to a new chapter, I hadn’t allowed myself to say goodbye to the old chapter. It all hit me at once and I was forced to deal with it.

I still have the same friends. They now live 20 minutes away. I think the lure of this great big backyard and all these fun toys will bring many of them out here for some kick-@$$ parties. Plus, now I get to make even more new friends! And as you probably know, I love talking and meeting people, so I’m excited about all the new people I get to meet.

Every female over 30 is considered pre-menopausal. Who would have thought?. Maybe my emotions are hormonal. haha Wow I feel super-old even writing that out on my blog. I’m only 32!

I don’t regret buying this house and moving. Most of my emotions were fear. I am usually a take-the-bull-by-the-horns type of person, but for some reason with this move I was terrified. I didn’t realize I was terrified, I just thought those feelings were regret. I’ve never lived in an area like this, and even though I’m stinkin’ excited, I am equally petrified.

So again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. I love sharing tutorials and little tips and tricks I’ve learned about being a home owner, but I also equally love all the knowledge I gain from each of you. Some of the best advice I’ve ever received is written within the comments section on this blog. You guys always help me way more than I can ever teach you. Here’s some big fat bear {{HUGS}} for each of you.

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  1. I loved your last post. I didn’t love that you were upset but I like it when bloggers are “real” and don’t pretend like everything is perfect.
    Congrats on the move! I love your yard!!!
    Best wishes as you adjust!!

  2. Allison I’m so excited to see more of your new house and I am sure you will be totally happy there. It’s beautiful. I have dreams of moving out to the country too into a 1 story as well. And I am sure I will also freak out that target and home depot and chick fil a won’t be 3 minutes away anymore. But it will all be worth it and your kids are going to have a ball in that yard!! I also can’t wait to move out in the country so we aren’t right on top of our neighbors. SO annoying. πŸ™‚

  3. I didn’t comment on the original post, but I did read it. I’ve thought about how you felt on and off over the last few days because I’ve felt the same way several times. I’m so happy to hear you are doing so well. And I love your new house! I’m excited to see all the amazing things you do to make it yours!

  4. Keep doing things that scare you because the reward is greater than your personal fears — me. I just figured out how to articulate that the other day πŸ™‚

    • Elaine in Ark says:

      Best advice ever, Nat!

      It’s strange that we (well, some of us) will obsess for weeks, months, or even years, and when we finally decide to just do the “thing”, it all turns out OK. Then we’re never afraid of that “thing” again.

  5. Here is another reason to be happy about the move: you were running out of rooms to transform into amazing! Some bloggers re-do the same room over and over and over and over and …. wait for it …. over again! πŸ˜‰ Now you have a blank canvas and I can’t wait to see it! Moving can be hard like you wrote about and I’ll be having those same feelings when we build our home in less than a year, but like you, I know I’ll be about to pull through it. Plus, I’m still 3 years from being pre-menopausal. πŸ˜€

  6. Julie @ Being Home says:

    Allison, thank you for being you and being beautiful. I know you will move forward from all this. Why? Because you have a loving family and an amazing group of bloggers who have your back and support. πŸ˜‰

  7. Glad to hear you are working through this. Looking forward to your new adventures in diy.

  8. Elaine in Ark says:

    Allison, I’m so glad you’re feeling better about all of this. Sometimes when a lot of things happen at once, we’re just overwhelmed and can’t deal with each individual aspect for a while.

    I moved 700 miles from a very developed, industrial area to a rural area where everything is 20-30 minutes away, or longer. How I missed sidewalks and buildings! It took me a long time to adjust, so I understand about that.

    I’m on the “other” side of menopause, and just yesterday I had an extremely emotional day (I still don’t know what brought it all on). It never really ends.

  9. I really love this new house….from the awesome curvy driveway, to the sweet architectural details on the faΓ§ade. I am really looking forward to everything you tackle here. So rest up! We have high expectations. πŸ™‚

  10. Girrrl, this is Texas. 20 minutes is practically next door!

  11. Thank you, Allison, for sharing your meltdown with us. I am also on the other side of menopause and can still learn from fabulous people like you. I love the idea of breaking things down into bite-sized pieces and dealing with the issues that way….then letting them float over to that quiet place in your mind. That’s just a great way to look at it all. Enjoy your new digs!!!

  12. Awwww honey – hugs!!! I’m glad you’ve taken a breath and stepped back. WE moved only about 5 miles away from our old neighborhood and yes that was tough on everyone. Except my husband, he had no real friends there and hated the huge yard. My son even got to stay at his same high school and my little one was just starting 1st grade, so she was easy. But we all had an adjustment period. Moving is stressful. Period. Hang in there, and keep us posted!!! Take lots of pictures. And sheesh! imagine if you HAD moved to my neck of the woods!!! That would be trauma πŸ™‚

  13. thank you thank you thank YOU!!!!!!! for keeping it real!!
    so glad you are ‘coming to terms’ w/the situation & finding the great in it all!!

  14. I am going through remorse for selling a home of 23 years that I put my heart and soul into. I put an addition on, refinished the basement for the kids, and remodeled the kitchen. I got this crazy idea like you, that I would like more land, so we jumped on a house that was about 15 minutes away from the old neighborhood. I overlooked a lot of things of the new house, being outdated on the inside (80’s look) lack of closet space for the family. I had built a huge 12×13 utility room at the old house and the new house has a Hallway for washer/dryer. We are tripping over our clothes. The listing on the home we bought showed square footage 700 more than it actually is. The realtor said nothing we court do about it. Now I am overwhelmed and regret selling the home our kids grew up in. There have been comments by the kids of why we did it.The land is now too much for me to take care besides thinking about what I need to do on the inside. I am having panic attacks, and numb about the stupidity of what I did. I had warning signs from friends befor I bought saying why would I ever want to sell the home I had spent so much time and money on and I ignored them thinking I knew what I was doing. I feel like a failure and trying to figure what to do next to make up for the mistake I made. I dream of our old home and wake up each morning very remorseful. My stress is affecting the family and my job.

    • Gosh…we feel this way since we moved into our new house, so I wonder if we should go back to our old house before it’s too late. The house was sold above market price, so appraisal we know will be lower & the buyers don’t have funds for even down payment. We wanted a big yard, but turns out the renovations in this house we just bought make us nauseated daily. The upscale neighborhood, convenient distance to highways, big yard for kids to play & better school don’t seem to matter right now. We don’t want to let go of our old house that we bought 12 yrs ago, then regret it forever.

  15. My husband & I are going through all this remorse currently & don’t know what to do. We fell in love with this new house’s yard, but the house itself needs updating. After doing renovations almost immediately after closing & moved 75% of our stuff here, we still long for our old house. We are scheduled to have our “final” move tomorrow, yet we still feel like this is not right. We’ve been fighting & crying. My husband feels like he’s getting a bad deal getting an older house & not even liking the big yard anymore. We’re under contract with old house with pending appraisal. Every time we go to the old house, I feel peace since I really poured my house into it since I bought it 12 yrs ago. I’ve cried daily & talk it over with a lot of people. Do we trust our gut feelings & move back to old house if this sale falls through, knowing that it would be a huge financial hit, losing all the updates we’ve done in this old house in 2 months, or bite the bullet & move forward with renovations & final move? I know decision is ours, but our emotions are soaring beyond what we can handle right now.

    • If I could turn the clock back…I would not have moved. The 1 acre yard is too much work, the neighborhood is more upscale which I feel uncomfortable with….and I’m renovating things that I had already done at the old house. My friends say to get over it, and remember I moved because the old house was near section 8 housing. I just learned a lesson to be content with what I had. I was always wanted fixed or upgraded at the old house,or how I could be in a better place…I spent more money and have a longer mortgage and have more things to keep up than before. I am overwhelmed.

  16. we are in the Uk and bought our own first house after living until retirement in a pretty country cottage that went with the job. We had an inheritance fund to buy outright and because the prices are so high in that area we knew we would not get a gardeners sized garden for our money and with one son and family living 2hours or more driving distance from us, we were giving the help in viewings and encouragement by them thought to buy near to them and get a good house and big garden and know we have family not far away. But we are not happy. Got a lovely house and garden and had all these plans but our son only phones and had 2 visits when his wife is not around and the final straw was not even an invite sometime over Christmas. They knew I was struggling loniliness. That hurt so bad. Our neighbours do not want to know, in fact we do not know their names, i did at least expect they would say hi over the fence now and then, There is no sense of community here , the village is dead and the village hall opens once a month for one evening event and no locals attended that, we tried to join in but we are outsiders and put in our place. We have been here for 4 months now and nothing has changed. If we can sell our dream home we will make a lost and add on the costs of selling and buying again as well as move costs too. We can do it and use up any savings but what ever we can afford will be really small without the decent garden and at least if we go back to where we belong we will know the area and make a new life for ourselves and also more than likely recoup our losses in higher house values over time. Yes we will have to face the told you so folk, but so far 2 we have told we are thinking this have said happiness comes first before bricks and soil, so that is reassuring. I feel I will regain my creativity and my funny wit which has been replaced by sleepless nights as dread going to bed until early hours when I am bone tired and my mind may let me rest and of course fed up with the crying. I have had 5 years of deaths with all parents with dementia and cancers to run around as sole carers and also my own cancer too and we thought we were entitled to a new life to think of ourselves for a change. My husband has pointed out yes it will hard to give up this house and garden, but in old age we need to know we are not isolated which it seems we will be here even though we did our research to make sure we would not be, but doctors are not where we had planned for re a bus route and only one of us drives so if no car then stuck and if no contact with neighbours then they would not know if we needed help and as mentioned earlier we realise now our son was not thinking good contact now but for ease of when we die and sorting it all out like inheriting by the sound of it. Hence the hurt being so much worse. A once caring lovely lad is now trained to be materilistic. We would rather be in an area where we are accepted and be poorer off then put up with this situation.

  17. Hello!

    I know your post was about 3 years ago but I wanted to know how you feel now. I am in the exact situation and I had explained my feelings to everyone around me but they don’t get it. We only moved 10 minutes away (!!!) but it feels like an hour during morning commutes and being in such a different area. The house is completely different so I feel like I am in a vacation home temporarily, even with all our stuff moved in. I haven’t committed to hanging pictures as that blows my mind at this point. It has been 14 days, as we moved New Year’s Eve which probably just intensified all of the funky feelings as we had to kind of rush through Christmas due to last minute packing. I just hope I get used to everything quickly as I feel sideways at the moment. Luckily, my family is fine with the changes. I am the one who is being panicky about the changes. I picked the darned house! Fell in love even. It costs much more but I am not even worried about that, yet. And I have moved across the state 3 times in the past so this should be nothing. Anyway, I just feel like I have invaded someone’s house and forgot where I actually live.I am just glad I saw this on the internet as I couldn’t find anything remotely close to describing my feelings. Hope you still have good news to report!
    Thank you!

    • I can’t tell you how happy I am to see this original post and your reply. We have been looking for our next home for months and finally found “the one”! Our offer was accepted earlier this week, but my response to the news that we got the house was to bawl my eyes out. We are also moving only 10 minutes away, so much of our “normal” won’t even change. I just love our current neighborhood and house (we were really outgrowing it), and I’m a creature of habit. I find myself crying over REALLY stupid things…(example…my dog won’t be able to watch people stroll down the walking path from our back yard anymore…our kids won’t be able to play with the next door neighbor kids…I won’t be able to sit on my front porch to hand out Halloween candy this year…my kids were born in my current house and I spent a lot of time making their rooms really special…you get the idea). I’m hoping this passes and I get excited again about all the fun things to come. In the meantime, thank you for helping me know I’m not alone.

    • Hi there! I am currently in your shoes. I only moved 10 mind away too, yet it feels like I moved hours away. I was living next door to my mom & sister, so I have feelings of regret & guilt like I have left them. I’m feeling like a crazy person since I’ve been wanting to move to a one story for quite some time. I should be feeling thankful & blessed but part of me feels so depressed. Thank you for sharing your feelings. I don’t feel so alone & I’m starting to realize these feelings are some what normal. Hope all is well now & I’m hoping I will feel good again soon too.

  18. Janet Herman says:

    Hi, I will be in a similar situation in one year. Selling “my” house, in town ( same street I grew up on) and moving into “our” house (my boyfriend and myself) in the country, on a country road. My house, which was my safe haven after divorce with 3 small children at the time, has been quite an achievement for me, something I was very proud of as a single mom. Now the thoughts of selling it and moving away from “home” on much more open space, frightens me. It’s so permanent, maybe that’s the reason.

  19. angie Palmer says:

    Very interesting to read all the insights from all the replies and original “melt-down” post. It is helpful to be able to be able to hear what others have to say about the process of making large decisions and changing the flow of ones life. “Fear” is the one word that stands out through all of the posts. Fear of changing patterns, known places/people and locations. These feelings happen when we change jobs, move into new spaces and areas, make new friends etcetera. We become accustomed to our old situations. We learn how to deal with things that happen in our places {house, jobs, relationships} and those then become comfortable and “known”. Perfect example of this point is my sister-in-law who is has been at her employer for over 20 years is miserable and hates her job because of all the junk that goes on is continuing on in a state of misery. When I suggested to her there were other places she could go and that maybe a change would refresh her? Her response was “I know the players and the system” I don’t want to have to learn a new game with all the new players. Interesting response that spoke volumes. Changing from a miserable situation to perhaps a better one sounds smart to me but, that process of “change” will be difficult in and of itself so I will just stay. Change offers hope but there is no guarantee. There is no guarantee of anything in life {except taxes right}. One bonus of change however is growth. Growth in areas that can make us more mature, give us a new perspective, give us the opportunity to learn new things {good & bad} about ourselves and others. Now those things are guaranteed and that is a good thing. So, in my opinion, calculated risks offer the opportunity of success and failure at the same time. The motivations and reasons for our decisions to change may be different once we get into the process than from what we originally thought, so what? Thats the beauty of it….. we learn. I think there is danger in getting too comfortable and stagnation can set in easily.

  20. Just bought a smaller house in a ‘transitioning’ neighborhood. Closing March 30. Everyone told me I’d be crazy to sell the house I’m in now, where I spent 20 years with my late husband and worked like mad to make it exactly how I wanted it. It’s truly a beauty but feels too big and empty without him and I wanted to go smaller and cheaper (my current neighborhood is becoming more expensive). It’s hard to deal with these feelings – in the morning I’m excited and can’t wait to move and in the evening and night I’m tired, sad and wondering why the heck I did this. It’s the though of having to find new stores, new places to walk, new friends – the unknown scares me at the end of the day when it’s harder for me to fight. I know this will go away but right now it’s hard to deal with.

  21. I am in the process of downsizing as a single empty nester mom. I’ve lived in my home for 30 years..original owner with my ex. My two kids live thousands of miles away and I don’t get to see them often. I do have my 4 indoor kitties who give me lots of comfort through this change but I feel like I’m starting to go through what you went through, so your article has been very helpful. So thank you for expressing your feelings, it makes me feel like I will get through this change too!

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