My emotions about the new house are playing ping-pong, and I don’t like it

I’m about to break my #1 blogging rule… Never blog when you are depressed.

Why? Well, because you’ll regret it later. You’ll say things you wish you could take back. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. I guess I won’t know until I actually do it.

Now before you go and start to think I’ve lost my f-ing marbles and am on a quick trip to Looneyville, let me assure you, I have, and it’s true. I am losing it. And I honestly don’t know what to think or do at this point.

When we put an offer on our new house I was smitten. In love. Couldn’t wait to move. The floor plan is awesome, the yard is what sold me. Who cares that it’s in a different school district. And who cares that it’s pretty much in the country. And who cares that even though I only moved 20 minutes away, I may as well have moved 15 hours. Same difference. New house = new life. All of those things don’t matter, because THE HOUSE IS AWESOME AND I. MUST. HAVE. THAT. YARD.

We quickly got our house ready to sell, listed it, and had 4 offers within a week. The stars were lining up and obviously this was meant to be. Until we closed on the new house.

When we closed I made a post about the new house. I was so excited. I couldn’t wait to get in and get ‘er done. At least until that night when weird thoughts of doubt crept in. All of a sudden all those things that I didn’t care about, well, now they seemed like quite a big deal. “OMG we have to leave our neighborhood. OMG, my friends! OMG, the school district. OMG we are freaking moving into the country… What the hell have I done???”

And then the hysterics kicked in. For three days I pretty much cried non-stop. And not a pretty cry. It was a full-blown ugly cry that left me gasping for air. I cried to Ben for pretty much three solid days. I cried to my realtor that is selling the old house. I cried to my neighbor. I cried to my mom. I pretty much just could not stop crying.

I need to preface this by saying I am glad we are selling the old house. This is not about the old house. I wanted to sell it. I want a one-story. I want a smaller home. I want a smaller mortgage. If I could go back, I would still sell the old home.

At the same time, I was totally baffled by this strange reaction from me because for a solid month while we waited to close on the house I was SO EXCITED. And for a solid 4 months before that while we shopped for homes in this area of town exclusively I was SO EXCITED.

So why the 180 degree change as soon as the papers were signed?

Everyone keeps telling me this is normal. I’ll get over it. Give it time, I’ll love it.

By Sunday and Monday I was smitten again. I love this house. I love the floor plan. I love the yard! I can do this. I can totally live here.

Tuesday I wrote my Q&A post about the house and how much I love it. I never felt better about the home. I love this home so much I can totally make this school district work, and I can totally live in the country – it’s what I’ve always wanted! – and I can totally make new friends.

But now? Now I’m a mess again. Now I’m crying again. I spent the afternoon in bed doing the ugly-cry where I can’t catch my breath. When I picked up the kids from school (they will finish out the year at their old school) I ran into my neighbor and I started crying again.

This all started Wednesday afternoon for no apparent reason other than I started thinking about my life here long-term, and how I miss my friends, and my neighborhood, and how I have to change my grocery store, and how it takes me 20 minutes to get to Target, and how my kids are going to have to say goodbye to their friends at the end of the school year. And how I won’t be sitting out at my community pool all summer chatting with all my friends while the kids all swim together. And how I freaking live in the country now. What the hell have I done?

When I think about the house, I am happy and I love it so much and I never want to move.

But when I think about my life here, in this little community, out in the country… I can’t stop crying. Maybe this isn’t what I wanted after all.

My emotions are playing ping-pong with me. Ben and I have talked about this ad nauseum and are pretty much living day-by-day trying to figure out what to do. I’ve pretty much decided I will live here through the summer on a trial basis hoping I fall in love with the area in the process. Ben is okay with that, but I know it is killing him because he finally has his “dream house and yard” and this is what WE wanted, but now all I can do is cry non-stop. He’s willing to sell and move back to our old neighborhood after a “trial run” but I know the thought makes him want to cry hysterically, so I just hate to rip this dream of ours away from him. It seems so unfair and selfish of me to even ask this of him.

(As for the kids, they will be happier than a clam either way. They are excited to go to the new school, but when presented with the idea of staying at the old school they are equally excited. They are very easy going.)

Maybe I’ll learn to love it. Maybe I won’t. I have no idea how this will go. All I know right now is that I love the house, but the thought of living here long-term makes me nauseous. Which I guess isn’t totally bad at this point because apparently I’ve dropped 7 lbs from all this stress and worrying and crying. Let me live here at least until I’ve dropped, say 30 lbs?, and then we can talk about moving back home.

But seriously, WTF is wrong with me? Why am I doing this? Why did I think I wanted this, and now I apparently want to throw up even thinking about it? And how come for four solid days I was happier than a clam, but now I’m back to crying again? (And for the record, NO, I AM NOT PREGNANT thankyouverymuch.)

I have so many more points I want to address but this is already so long. I guess I’ll just quickly bullet-point the rest of my thoughts:

– I feel like I need to decide where I want to settle for the next 10 years RIGHT NOW because my son is starting middle school and I hate the thought of changing my mind in 2 or 3 years and making him move just as he’s entering high school.

– I’m glad I sold the old home. I love it, I turned it into our home, but I really am ready to move on from it. This freak-out is not about the old home. It’s just about where we should have bought our new home.

– Our plan for a year, maybe longer, was to buy a home in the same neighborhood that met our new requirements; one story, smaller, cheaper. This way the kids would stay at the same school and we’d all keep our same friends and just the overall familiarity of the neighborhood and community (ie shopping, etc).

– Once we qualified for a mortgage all of a sudden we were like, “Well, if we’re going to move, why not follow our life-long dream of living on some land?” It snowballed from there. In hindsight, it kind of seems like it was a runaway train.

– I feel like we detoured from the original plan on staying in our neighborhood and I traded all of that with not much thought so that we could “live our dream” of having land. I thought that’s what I wanted since we have talked about it for our entire marriage.

– I’ve decided that those “someday” dreams you have, when presented the opportunity to make them come true, are much different in reality than in your dreams “some day in the future”. It’s one thing to dream it, another entirely to actually do it.

– We would absolutely lose money if we sold the new house within the next 6 months or so (because of the 6% realtor fees), but we could recover fairly quickly. If we did this, I guess we could call it our “stupid tax” as Dave Ramsey affectionately calls stupid things you do and choices you make that cost you money.

– If I get totally hyper-focused on moving back to the old neighborhood and we sell this “dream house” of ours, will I look back and regret it? Will I look back and wish I had just sucked it up and toughed it out?

– Is my intuition telling me that I shouldn’t have moved and I need to undo this mess I’ve created, or am I just scared?

– If this is my dream house, and I couldn’t wait to move here, why can I not stop crying?!

I think I’ve about covered it. I’m not looking or “fishing” for comments, I just needed to brain-dump all this out in an effort to hopefully help me feel better about all of this. And like I said in the beginning, I am depressed right now, so maybe this isn’t really the best time to be posting all of this. It is what it is. Maybe tomorrow I’ll wake up again and love it here. Tomorrow is a new day.

***Here is the follow-up to this freak-out post. Spoiler: It does get better and I do end up very happy. xo

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Comments

  1. I know you’re not “fishing” for comments and I know you don’t even know me, but I had a very similar experience when we moved 2 1/2 years ago. We’d been in the same house for 7 years and were ready to upgrade. We looked for a LONG time and wanted a nice house, but more importantly, we wanted land closer in town. We finally found a custom home on 3/4 of an acre very much “in the city”. It was bank owned, in perfect, but outdated, condition and was listed for about $35k below the appraisal. I was SO excited. It seemed like the perfect scenario. The morning of the move, my neighbor and friend brought me some “snacks” for moving day and I broke down and cried. That started my crying/depression over the house that lasted at least three months. We moved in, got settled and then things just got worse: every other homeowner in our neighborhood had at least 15 or 20 years on my husband and I, there were pretty much no kids and I had no friends. Then things started happening with our house (termite infestation, water leaks costing us hundreds, etc.) and we started taking financial blows right and left. Our new mortgage was significantly more and I was 7 months pregnant. I hadn’t planned to keep working onsite at my clients after the baby was born, but then I felt like moving jeopardized that option and I would have no choice. I realized I was mourning my comfort zone. I had lived in the same house by the same people for so long. Like you, I didn’t miss my old house, although I missed the simplicity of it, it was just the change was so much to handle all at once. Two and a half years later, I am SO happy I’m still in this house. We might be here forever, we might not, but it is home. It’s still outdated, but that will come in time. Plus, we have a nice, big yard with so much potential. You can change a house, but you can’t really add land. So it must be normal and in time, I’m sure you’ll know what’s best and right for your family. πŸ™‚

  2. Oh, Sweetie! Text me or call me! Maybe I can encourage you πŸ™‚ You have all the right intentions for yours kids. What a sweet hubby you have to be so willing to do that. I am guessing you can still see all your old friends – and even invite many of them over to come for a swim during the summer – like having “Swim day Thursday” or something fun so you can all hang out each week again while making some friends out there, too and inviting neighbors over. You don’t seem to have a hard time making friends and I know this house will be full of fun projects to blog about πŸ™‚ I’ll pray for your emotions to settle. Seriously, call me if you need to talk.

    Becky B.

  3. Oh Allison! I understand where you’re coming from! Wish I had the right words and the answer for you. I’ve been on that runaway train before and it sucks. Now in the process of making things right, I kinda have that feeling again…wondering if I’m making the right decision, worried I’ll regret it, and yeah, it’s a vicious circle. When in that freak-out stage, I’ve found it helps to not make any significant changes or decisions. Kinda like not raking the leaves till the wind calms down. Twenty minutes isn’t across the country so you can still coonnect with friends in person. Your new best friend may live in the new neighborhood, and it may be the best thing that ever happened to you. It certainly won’t be the worst thing. You will figure it out, Allison! Just breathe and know that everything happens for a reason. xo

  4. Karen from IL says:

    Give it to God. Ask Him to make it clear and then rest in His arms. He promises we will find Him if we seek Him. Even Dave Ramsey will tell you the best plan is God’s plan, no matter if it is the best financial plan. Don’t let your fear rule…Let God rule!

    Love your blog because you are so real. You will be fine where ever you live. You have a husband who loves you, great kids and you will make new friends. I like Becky B’s suggestion about having a day with your friends every week or so. Believe in yourself!

    Karen from IL

    • My wife and I also just bought a older home with 2 acres that is 2 miles from the city, And before we bought it I prayed that God would shut the door on this house if its not right for us. The house appraised for two more thousand dollars then what we paid and the inspection passed, but my wife has regrets . I do believe that God will take care of us but my wife is so negative about the house. Im going crazy. We plan to sell next year.

      • Hang in there. It took me awhile to love my house and not want to move again. One thing that really helped was painting the walls and doing little projects to make the house feel like my house, and not a strangers house. I think it’s smart to give it a year. You should really have a good feel by then if it’s a good fit for y’all. xo

      • Hello Greg, Just read your post and my husband and I are in the exact same situation. What did you end up doing?

  5. Oh my you are on a roller coaster of emotions. I truly feel for you. 17 years ago my hubby and I packed it all up and moved 750 miles from everything we knew. Not exactly the same situation as you, but the depression was the same. I was excited, scared, overwhelmed and felt completely alone. I think I cried my self to sleep for 2 months. Each day I woke feeling like today would be the day I would pack it all back up and go “home”. Eventually I started feeling better. I started painting walls, planting flowers and enrolled my daughter in kindergarten. Day by day I started to truly fall in love with my home, neighborhood and life. The whole entire time my hubs kept telling me that we could go back, just say the word. His support was amazing and exactly what I needed. Then one day I realized that “home” for me was not the house, the neighborhood or the state, it was my family! We were living a dream that we both wanted and it might have been rocky at first, but it was the best decision we ever made. It just took me awhile to get used to all the changes. I will pray for you to find peace. Whether it be where you are now or in a different home, may God give you comfort and strength to find “your” place!

  6. Lois Wharton says:

    Hi Allison: My thoughts on your dilemma are:
    Invite friends to come swim in your pool and bring a picnic lunch. They would love that invitation! Call friends with Children (call Tonya and Alisa) and hang out. Meet them at Chick-Fil-A to play. Tour the children’s new schools. I know several families from here who have moved to your new area. It is becoming quite popular to move out there.They LOVE it. It is more personal and intimate in a small town and at a small school. Call up friends and have a girls night with them. Sounds like you are afraid of losing touch with your old friends. It may take a bit longer to commute but from what I have been told by those who have taken the “plunge” by moving there, the drive gets easier and feels shorter after a short while. It is scarey to move to a new place and leave old friends behind…I did it 25 yrs. ago! Meeting friends from church (like your family, the Bledsoe’s) was a great plus too! Hang in there and just give yourself some time to adjust. Gordon B. Hinckley wrote a letter to his Father when he was first out on his Mission to England. He was very discouraged. His Dad’s advice to him was to just “get to work”. You are amazingly talented and creative…I think once you “get to work” on your new home, you will feel more excited and comfortable because your house will become your home! I cannot wait to see how you transform your house into your home.! Hang in there!

  7. Gurl, I could have totally written this whole post myself. About 2 1/2 years ago after planning for 10 years to buy a bigger house, we finally started our search. We literally moved 20 minutes away (sound familiar?), but those 20 minutes took us from being right near the Puget Sound (literally 5 minutes away but views from everywhere nearby) to the country with horses neighing in the backyard and coyotes prowling in the front. I run (but am not a runner…stay with me…I walk around the house naked but am not a nudist…but I digress), and miss running with the views of the water and the mountains. My three kids changed schools. I didn’t think it would be a big deal, but I miss knowing everyone and having to start over again. My daughter has been invited to a sleepover next week and I don’t know the parents so she can’t spend the night. This wouldn’t have happened at the old house since I know all of the people in the community, or know someone who knows someone.

    BUT as we prepared to buy our house and sell our old one, I said a lot of prayers. Doors opened that shouldn’t have been open, things fell into place that shouldn’t have, our house sold on the first day to the first people who walked through the door ABOVE asking price. Things that were unheard of. Because of this, I knew that God had a plan for us in the community. As much as I miss my old life and question why we didn’t look harder in our old neighborhood for a house, or settle just so we could be in the same area and upset the apple cart a little less, I feel like we have a reason for being where we are.

    I still occasionally run into my old grocery store just to bump into some of my old friends. I still go to the same Costco and Target as I used to, but things are different. I didn’t realize change would be so hard, but it’s a good change.

    Good luck to you. I know you will be at peace with this soon.

  8. That is not a fun feeling, but I’m glad you broke your blogging rule. Sometimes it can feel refreshing to remember that we all have struggles.

    Not that you are looking for advice, but I’ll share some anyway… πŸ™‚ Several months ago, I was in a bad place in an important relationship, (very different than real estate, but perhaps still valuable) and a friend shared with me something I really appreciated. He suggested I was in a low place and as I found a way up and out of the low place, it would be clear to me how to help the hurting relationship. Here’s what I’m saying. I don’t think now is even a good time to pick some number, like 6 months, or whatever. I mean, you don’t want to hurt your husband’s dreams, and he doesn’t want you to feel trapped or miserable. My thought would be to go forward being open to the possibility that this really could be your forever home, but knowing that if you continue to feel all panicked and nauseous and anxious that you have options.

    In my experience, it takes time for me to feel like a new home is home, and not just the house, but feeling roots to a school, community, church congregation, etc. And time for me to develop close relationships. (I’ve been in my current home two years this summer, and am still trying to be patient about developing closer relationships.) Thanks for sharing your thoughts and I look forward to hearing about your transition and decisions.

  9. Whoa. Like, really, whoa. You ARE freaking out. You have every right to freak out though. It’s OKAY to freak out about a big life change. The thing is, you seem stuck in analysis paralysis about WHY you’re freaking out. Doesn’t matter WHY. You just ARE. It’s a signal to look at your actual, current situation (bought a new house/gonna sell the old one) from multiple perspectives. I had similar late-in-the-game misgivings 2 years ago when my husband & I (who weren’t even necessarily planning on moving) stumbled on a house,” fell in love with it”, and quickly became its new owners. I, like you, was absolutely overwhelmed with anxiety (like, real heart-pounding attacks) and thoughts of “what on earth have we done????”. You know what calmed me? My husband’s certainty. My attitude was all like, “I’m really not AT ALL sure we haven’t just made a HUGE mistake.”, but HE still seemed so excited and upbeat about it. So in my mind, I just kept imagining over and over, taking a deep breath, putting my hand in his, and letting HIM take the lead into our new “adventure”. Maybe I would hate it (like our first and only hiking adventure). Maybe I would love it (like the time he took me on a whirlwind tour of D.C.). Either way, our family was healthy, we’d have a decent roof over our heads, and we’d face the newness of it all TOGETHER. (Luckily, it’s all turned out pretty well, btw.) It’s a hassle to move, but nothing is permanent. Give it a shot. Be open to letting the universe surprise you. ::hugs::

  10. How about some tough love?! Pick yourself up and put on your big girl panties and go paint something or craft something for the front door! Just go and do one thing that makes the new house your new HOME. It is too easy to ride that high from the process of buying a house and want it to continue. Get in the yard and pull some weeds, plant something or tear something out- jump into it! My background … Moved over the Christmas/New Year holidays 180 miles from home. Left my mom and brother and nieces and nephews and friends, had to leave a job I liked and be a stay at home mom again. (Which I ping pong on that emotional roller coaster all the time, but don’t get me started! LOL). Once the packing was finally done I felt like WTH, what do I do now?!
    God most certainly has a plan for you so submit and carry on. You CAN do it!

  11. You are not crazy! You are just over-thinking yourself sick! Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing at all. You’re there, all moved in, so let it go for now. See how the summer goes, your old neighborhood will still be there in a few months! Don’t beat yourself up…consider this a trial of “country livin” and if you hate it, well then check it off the bucket list and let that be it!

    20 minutes from Target isn’t bad, I’m 35 minutes away and 25 from Walmart! I don’t usually comment on blogs I read but I am an over thinker too, so I empathize! My kids are 3rd grade thru high school, we are pretty rooted in our schools and love the country life for the kids, but we are 9 years from our youngest graduating high school and are counting down! Having land is great, but it is a LOT of work. The time we spend working on our yard is crazy, and ours doesn’t even look that good!! We have a pool too and between the balancing, the vacuuming, and the filter cleaning, I alternate daily in the summer between always wanting to have a pool and never having another pool again. #bipolarpoolownersunite. Good Luck!

  12. OH, honey, bless your heart! This sounds so stressful for you guys. I hope it all settles down for you soon and you have some clarity on which way to go. :hugs:

  13. You don’t know me but I’ve been reading your blog for a little while now. Change is hard at any level and I think you have become completely overwhelmed with the whole situation. I don’t think you should go into this thinking that you can move back if you don’t like it, becuase that will sit in the back of your mind and everytime things get hard you will rest on the “I’m moving back option”. I think you need to commit to the move. I doubt very much that you will regret it but you have to be in it 100%. I live in Sydney and we are not in the Country and everything is still at least 20 minutes to half an hour away. You will adapt, you will rearrange your schedule to accomodate the travel for things like shopping and Target. You will love your new place and to have land OMG you won’t want to go to Target or the grocery store you will want to stay home and bask in your lovely property. Change is hard but you need to embrace it – not fear it! The kids are looking forward to a new adventure, I think you should do the same. Your friends won’t be far away and there will always be new ones. (PS – I left all my friends in another country to follow my heart (hubby) and it was tough but I still have those friends and I don’t regret it.)

  14. I live nearby (in Leander). Or at least I’m assuming I still live nearby. It’s been hard for me to have Target 15 minutes away. And the HEB here stinks. I wish we lived closer to Randall’s or Whole Foods.

    This summer, we were going to list our house. We bought new hardwood floors that our realtor recommended. Everything was packed and ready to go. But, we panicked the next day, after placing money down on a beautiful house in Parkside at Mayfield Ranch. Why was a family of 3 moving into a 3600 square foot home?!? What would we do with all of that room once our son (starting HS in the fall) left for college? Did I REALLY want to clean that entire house?

    So, though I’m not a huge fan of our house now and, especially, wish we lived in a different neighborhood… we’ve decided to “settle and stay.” At least for the next 4 years. I have days where I think “OH MY GOD – I WANT TO GET OUT OF THIS PLACE!!!” but, they have become less and less frequent.

    I hope you find solace.

    • Bestest Sister Ever says:

      You’re so right, the HEB here (in Leander) does totally suck. How disorganized can they possibly make the aisles and layout of the store? Seriously, it’s horrible — the pepperoni is in the freezer section! πŸ™‚ That is all; have a nice day. lol
      -Allison’s-little-sister-who-also-lives-in-Leander.

      • I have to check the expiration date on EVERYTHING because I’ve bought some VERY expired items (salad dressing to orange juice). And their bread aisle looks like WW3 is coming. And the other day, they didn’t have FROOT LOOPS?!?!?! What the heck???

  15. You don’t know me, but I’ve been following your blog for a while (and love it by the way). My husband and I moved into a new home about 10 months ago. We had been house hunting for 9 months and had a contract on our new house the same day it was listed. We knew we had found the right house for us. It is 30 minutes from our old neighborhood. Even though I felt (ok sometimes felt) we were making the right decision to move to the new place, I cried when I handed over keys to my old place, cried when we packed, cried when we were moving and cried for weeks (ok months) in the new place. You get the point. Even though its only 30 minutes away, it felt like a whole new world. I missed my neighbors, grocery store, accessibility to places, driving the same route to and from work, literally EVERYTHING. I questioned our decision and my judgment that whole time. I was certain we had doomed ourselves by making a huge mistake, unsure of just how big the repercussions would be…money, our relationship, etc. However, I can honestly say that the depression, doubt and regret has officially moved on. Though we are still in the process of making this place HOME, I can say with certainty that we made the right decision. This is where we are supposed to be. Yes, I still miss the old neighborhood and wish I got together with our friends over there more often. But we do still get together. We do still go to the same restaurants on occasion. We are not a plane ride away, but a super mini road trip πŸ˜‰ I decided to quit looking at the situation that we “left” or “subtracted” those great things from our lives, but rather we have (and continue to be in the process of) adding even more great things to our lives. We are definitely still fitting into the new surroundings in many ways, but I am at peace with our decision. Actually better than that, I am excited. My point is, I hope you know that you are not alone in your emotional roller coaster and that you can find some hope in hearing the story of a fellow ping ponger πŸ˜‰

  16. I could have written this post! We’re selling our larger home and moving about 15 minutes from our current neighborhood and our current village…the one where my sons grew up…and played little league…and made friends. I want a smaller home…and a larger yard…and a smaller mortgage.

    As I’ve been packing for the last week, I break into tears for no reason. I get into conversations about our current house and I cry…although I’m not sure why…because this is what I want.

    I’m excited about the the new house…and scared. There are no “memories” there….yet. It’s going to be a ton of work…which will be great…and not great. At some moments, I’m convinced that I’ll never live in a “pretty” house again or have any friends.

    I’ve decided that this is part of the process of letting go and moving forward (at least that’s what I tell myself on the “good” days). Just listen with your heart. Your original rationale and decisions were sound. ones…besides…you can always try it and, if you don’t like it, change your mind.

    Just know that you’re not alone. There are several of us who are making the same choices and experiencing the same things….and remember…”home” truly is where you make it. It will be where ever your family is together…and BOTH you and I will figure out the rest (as so many of the people who have commented above have already done).

    Chin up, girlfriend. It’s Friday! xo

  17. Jennifer Huinker says:

    Hi Allison. Remember me? This is Jennifer from RABOM. I truly feel for you. Not too long ago (5 years) we moved out in the country in Tennessee from Chicago. A huge change. Not only 30 minutes from everything but 10 hours from family. Me and Paul were a ball of nerves the first few months. (Paul especially). Always wanting to live out in the country is a bit different than actually doing it, but trust me once you get into a rythm of daily life, you will love it. Here are a few important points that we focus on when we get a bit home sick.

    #1 and when I say number one, I mean it. ME AND PAUL pick our childrens friends. No more are the days when the kids can go across the street and play with a trouble maker! They have to wait for me to drive them to a friends house. Yes this is more work for us, but we have complete control of who they hang with. I can’t even begin to tell you how much you will appreciate this as the kids get older. every time we visit Chicago and my kids see their old friends the difference is night and day. My kids are much more respectful, mature and certainly have not “grown up too fast” Believe me when I say, you will grow to LOVE this part of living in the country.

    #2 a HUGE yard is awesome. We have 5 acres and LOVE it. The kids have tons of room to explore and they love being here. All of our friends want to come visit us which is great. We can host large families no problem and always have a great time.

    #3 LESS STRESS. Now that Target is 20 mintues away you won’t be able to run to the store when ever you want. They adjustment will take a bit, but it is so great how fast you realize you don’t need something when it would require that far of a drive. You Blog will really take off with all of the thrifty ideas you will come up with to avoid that drive! Not only will you be less stressed, but your childrens stress levels will also drop. My kids love staying at home with the family and hanging in the yard. Family time has become a huge priority for them. Considering I have 2 teenagers, I find this miraculous!

    All that being said, give it some time, I would say more than the summer. Try a full year. I know that right now that seems like forever, but don’t put a time line on it otherwise you won’t truly be embracing your new life and only focusing on the possible move. (which may never happen in this housing market) That may even be more stress than it is worth.

    Hope everything goes well, keep in touch.

    Jennifer

  18. About one week after my wedding, I looked at my husband and thought, “What have I done? I don’t even know him!” I was panicked. That was almost 20 years ago and we had dated for three years before our wedding. I think you are experiencing what I experienced. I felt the same panic and regret even and I couldn’t explain it. The good news for you is my favorite saying, “This too shall pass”. He is the love of my life and I made a wonderful decision marrying him.

    I appreciate your post so much and I truly empathize with your pain.

    • I’ve gotta agree with this one. It sounds like cold feet more than anything right now. You’re afraid of making a mistake and being stuck for the next 10 years with the decision you’re making now. If you decide to move again in a year, it really will be okay…..even with your son in middle school at that point. Chances are, once you get out from underneath your current house and you start making your new house your ‘home’, though, you’ll start loving it more and more again. The nerves will settle and you’ll remember all those things you loved about it in the first place….it won’t be so scary any more. In the meantime, though, it’s okay to cry! You don’t have to totally understand why even because you’re obviously still thinking about the whole situation in a rather ‘logical’ way…..and maybe you really do just need to get it all out so that then you can move on. πŸ™‚

  19. Hi Allison. I think you hit the nail on the head about “one-day” dreams being really scary when the time comes to make the jump and live that dream. It’s okay to be scared! Things changing are scary & its even okay to mourn the loss of how things used to be, but you have to pick yourself up again too. Just because things look different doesn’t mean they won’t turn out to be better! Good luck! I feel for you but I also truly believe that you’re the only person who can change how you feel. So wake up each morning and smile and pretend you’re okay, until one morning you wake up and you realize you really are okay. Sarah

    • Sarah, I loved what you said about pretending to be ok! It really helped me to know that others share my philosophy. My son’s father/my life partner just passed last month, and we are also in the midst of downsizing/relocating 20 mins from our former Scottsdale home to a small brick bungalow in a less than desirable Phoenix neighborhood. I haven’t had time to cry (scheduling my breakdown 6mos out!), and I think I forgot what I used to believe: fake it till you make it! Thanks for the reminder. πŸ™‚

  20. Yeah, I think you’ll regret saying wtf. I didn’t expect to read that here. πŸ™

    • I think WTF is totally OK in panic mode. It’s all part of being real. So even though you might be disappointed that she used that expression….it was part of her truth at the moment. and wtf might mean something different to different people. maybe she was thinking about FUDGE. WHERE’S THE FUDGE??!!

      • Or “What to Feel?”
        The fact that Valerie and I had to even post these alternate translations makes me very irritable.

        Allison: I don’t think I can improve much on these posts that are 99.999% helpful, other than to say, as someone above already did, don’t pin a time frame onto this move. Take it day by day and wait and see. I know we’re all hoping you find more and more golden eggs around each corner!

        WTF is with that .001% of these posts? πŸ™‚

    • Oh, Sally, you really need to get out more if Allison saying “WTF” on a blog post about a terribly stressful situation she is going through bothers you. I mean REALLY. Your poor virgin eyes! *rolls eyes so hard they fall out of my head, onto the floor, and down the hall, and now, dammit, the cat is chasing them* She admitted from the first sentence that she’s in a depressed state, and went on to further comment that she’s having a crisis. Your comment is snotty and not remotely helpful. This is a time when *grown ups* make the decision that if they can’t add to a discussion or give helpful advice, or at least comfort in the form of “I’m thinking of you and hoping things sort themselves soon,” then perhaps it’s best not to say anything at all. Come to think of it, don’t we all learn that in grade school, too? Well, it’s obvious you’ve never been out of the house if in 2013, if a little “WTF” gets your knickers in a twist. I mean, WTF is your problem anyhow?

      Allison, you’ve received so many helpful responses, Sally’s of course NOT being one of them, so I don’t have much to add other than to say that what you are experiencing is really common, so you are not alone and you are not losing your marbles. I moved from my home where I grew up in Orange County just 50 miles away to L.A. to go to university, and I had such bad panic attacks I thought I was going to die. I mean, I couldn’t eat, couldn’t keep food down when I tried, couldn’t sleep, cried all the time, etc. It was so bad I got sent to the doctor because they seriously thought something was wrong with my stomach. It was just NERVES, my mind was literally making my body sick. Once I got here and got into the swing of things, I felt 100% better. Someone upthread said it’s about your comfort zone, and she’s right. I think you will find that once you get acclimated, some of these feelings will dissipate. Just remember, your lovely husband has given you an escape hatch if you get time down the road and still don’t like being where you are. Maybe then you can find another house in the old neighborhood that is a one-story and has a bit of land with it? These things do tend to work themselves out, and if you remember *none of this is carved in stone* and *everything* short of death (even taxes!) can be worked out, then hopefully you will feel a lot better about it soon.

  21. I’m so excited for the new house for you. We live in a ranch now, and it is so great. I think what you are feeling is grief over your current house. It is a loss. You have a very emotional tie to that place, and now you must grieve it before you move on to your next house. What are the stages of loss? You’re going through it right?

    I’m glad you wrote the post because I know a lot of people who feel the same way about starting new things. It’s hard to let go of what you’re leaving. It’s like graduating high school and going to college. Take care and thanks for always being so honest with us!

  22. A house and all it’s perks is just that … only a house; a material thing. To plan for the next 10 years is a bit silly as personal and national circumstances can change …. dreams change as well. It also takes a lot of strength and especially patience to find that ‘perfect’ house. That one that has all that you love in your current house, less what you don’t, includes the would-likes and found at the perfect price. It took us 5yrs. And after another 2, we collected our happy middle-schoolers, and sailed the south of France for a year homeschooling and discovering! Back now; all even happier and with more opened eyes, that previous end-all house just doesn’t have it’s appeal as before … it’s just a house; a material thing.

  23. Dear Allison, I can totally empathize with your feelings. Moving is one of life’s greatest stresses, no matter the circumstances. When the anxiety hits, call a friend.

    You and your husband have been brave enough to take steps to make your.life better. You will get though this. Just take it day by day, hour by hour.

  24. It’s the pain and sadness of leaving a life that you know and are comfortable with. It’s not the house, there is nothing wrong with you. I am a military wife who’s had to go through this every time we moved. We purchased a home at every base but one and each one was our wonderful beautiful house. You move in you get comfortable and then the panic sets in. But THIS is not how it’s supposed to be. The comparisons from old to new drive you crazy. But it wasn’t LIKE this in our old house. BUT if we were in the old house it’d be better. It’s hard and I am not going to lie. I usually just stalk your blog and never comment but felt I needed to chime in with my experience. It’s going to take an adjustment period. However you will adjust. Never having the option to ‘go back’ or have a ‘do over’, I will say that old becomes new become old very quickly. For us it usually took a total of a year to be completely converted to a new place and situation. But that’s talking about cross country moves. I truly hope that whatever happens that you find some peace and wish you all the luck!

  25. Oh Allison, I know exactly how you feel. We moved to our current home 15 years ago. When we sold our “old” home and bought this one I too cried and cried and thought it was the biggest mistake of our life. Our “old” home was paid for and we were going back to having a very large mortgage. What were we thinking! We had moved into our “old” home when my daughters were 4 and 2 and I was 9 months pregnant for our son. It was the only home our son had known. Our children grew up there. We had renovated most of the house, but there was still some things we wanted to do. We lived in a small town and our current home is OMG…..4 miles out in the country. We had also wanted to live in the country with lots of acreage. Now we have that, 9-1/2 acres and we couldn’t be happier. We have over time completely renovated our current home. I’m still working on a few rooms. I used to constantly drive by our “old” home to see what the new owners had done to MY house. Most things I did not like. They chopped down trees…..trees that we have lovingly planted. I was devastated. I would go home and cry. Over time it got better. I don’t drive by any more. Now, we are beginning a new chapter in our life…………retirement. I retired 2-1/2 years ago and my husband will be retiring this September. We plan to head south every winter. We have been thinking lately that maybe it’s time to sell our home and buy a smaller home in town. But, for right now I think we will stay put. Maybe in another 10 or 15 years we’ll revisit the thought of moving again. By then we may not be able to keep up with this home. It requires lots of attention.

    I think that once you really settle into your new home and start making it yours, you will feel much better. Think of this as a new adventure with your family and enjoy it!

    I cannot wait to see what you do with your new home!

  26. I have felt the way you feel, every single time that I’ve moved. If I add it all up, that’s more than a dozen times and I’m not even 40 yet. In all of those moves, 2 were complete disasters (that were easily fixed, and not worth the anxiety that I built up around them), and the rest were just an adjustment from one great life to another, equally great, just different. It’s a horrible feeling, and it robs you of the fun and enjoyment of this new phase in your life. Don’t let fear and anxiety steal that from you. You will find things about your new neighborhood that are better than the old one, if you make up your mind to look for them.

  27. I totally understand how you are feeling, I’ve been dealing with the same sentiments for the past 6 months, when I also moved 20 min away. I found that I do still get together with friends, it just took a little more planning. It also helped that I told my friends that I was feeling alienated and far away, and they really stepped it up to make sure I was included in plans, and they came to a couple get-togethers at my house so far. So I suggest you share with them your fears, and then make plans with your friends and your kid’s friends!

  28. I like the idea of a trial period in the new house. I think it will help calm your nerves knowing that it doesn’t have to be a forever home. My hubby and I moved 45 minutes away from our comfort zone 7 years ago. And now that our house is up on the market again, we’re considering staying in the new town because we have grown to love it. Yeah, there are still some things I miss about where we grew up (it’s a lot closer to downtown and central to everything), but living out towards the country has really grown on us. GOOD LUCK to you. Sending you positive vibes!

  29. Allison I have followed your blog for over a year. I found you while looking for ideas for curtains. I so enjoy seeing your projects and sharing of ideas. I appreciate your transparency. I too love my husband, children, home and all that implies, but life is a roller coaster, ever changing, forever holding up a man-made measuring stick that I am unable to achieve. I am actually clueless as to what I really want or need! Like you, I am a fan of Dave Ramsey and have followed his principles over the years however he can’t answer the longings of my heart. I have found that there is nothing in this life that can give me true peace and contentment. That can be found only in Jesus. If my contentment is not based on Him, then I will forever be discontent. He fills the longing of my heart, gives me peace in the middle of chaos, gives me purpose when I feel useless, gives me wisdom when I am clueless, gives me hope and a future. I am praying that you will know Him as that and so much more. Hang in there girl. I have a feeling that the best is yet to come for you and your family!!! Blessings! Renee’

  30. You didnt freak like this when you moved across the country to California!!! was that because it was a ‘temporary move??’ well… Think of this like THAT if you could…. figure you signed a 1 year lease- and have the ablity to move in 1 year. go forward, and start small projects…you will feel better DOING, and try and get out of the slump before your kids are out for the summer! cuz then you would feel bad that you ‘ruined their summer’ on top of everything else.
    write out your misgivings about the home and try to ‘fix them’ ie: 20 minutes from Target, not ‘YOUR’ community pool….
    well- plus side: you have a huge personal pool that you can skinny dip in!!!! haha!!! …. and as for Target- aim to go on their mark down days so you dont feel youre missing out….. πŸ˜€
    Good luck! eeryone deserves a freak out over SOMETHING. πŸ˜€

  31. Change is hard, especially when it involves your children and the constants you have provided. Don’t bundle everything because one thing has nothing to do with the other..ie changing to a new middle school versus new district. This was a change that was coming anyways. Focus on the new house, get working on your plans and don’t look back. Your kids will really think of you as a hero when you execute this move with the stealth of a true mover and shaker. Be strong and remember this too shall pass.

  32. Well, I guess everyone pretty much said it. It is always difficult to venture into the new, even when you felt it was RIGHT. Letting go of a piece of our history is HARD. New things are around the corner, but there will always be a piece of your heart in the “old” house. My husband and I went through the exact same thing 34 years ago when we had redone our old “little” house, new kitchen, new bathroom, new laundry room, we had put so much detail and planning, but we had four children and our house was small, so when he found a new place only 5 minutes away, with a large kitchen, dining room, four bedrooms, etc. I was stubborn and said NO WAY. Well, we did it. and 34 years later, he now wants to downsize, kids are grown, etc. and my heart is saying NO WAY even though I know it would be practical, wise, etc. I have history here…..many years of children playing in the yard, friends on my street, the baseball fields close by, etc. and we lost a daughter four years ago, who grew up in THIS HOUSE. So, needless to say. I AM NOT GOING…but??? Questions, dreams, fear, it is a normal thing you are feeling. You will feel the very same thing about THIS house when you have spent some time there, watched your children playing in the back yard,, making design changes in your NEW rooms, etc. You get the point. History is built wherever you LIVE and family is established in places, towns, cities, it matters not. When you signed you made a choice to begin anew with your family and have fun doing the NEW, remember the OLD fondly, but the NEW can and will be exciting.

    • I just went through a situation where we didn’t get the house we put offer on, they chose the other couple even though we had same bid and we saw it first. As we were going through the process I felt paralyzed. First night we looked at house We both loved it, I wanted to put in a full price offer, but my husband did not, he put in offer, they countered, we looked at house a second time, that is when my doubts and fears started in, my husband countered back. Sellers kept dragging their feet in response, and the few days that went by gave way to all my doubts and fears and wondering if after 28 years in our present house could I do this. Sellers finally after 3 days countered our offer again. Then another offer came in on the house and we were forced to go higher, which we did, but as I said, we lost the house and I have now been in depression all week because now all I can see or feel is the loss and how much I wanted this house and change! I don’t understand why those weren’t the feelings I had a week ago, why then all I felt was the fear? I am angry at everyone involved (including myself) that we didn’t get the house before the second offer ever came in. I don’t understand how we weren’t smart enough to just go a thousand over, it makes no sense to me, I am so down and lost.

  33. Hey Allison- There are some great comments on here and overall great stuff said. Like- “it is just material…”, “…give it time”, “It’ll be great”. All true. Coming from a “A-Zer”, as I call it (what ever the situation I think the worst possible thing -and I don’t go to the reasonable “B” or “C” I go right to “Z”), it won’t matter how many good, things I hear. My mind just wallows in the concerns. When I start to have some freedom from the anxious thought cycle is when I take the focus off me and all my seems-to-be-great-reasoning and how it makes me feel and try to shift to something beyond myself. I have to choose to not wallow, even though I might be completely justfied to do so. Like say– a cleanup day for someone who needs help (maybe not in your old neighborhood though ;), A trip to a children’s hospital and read stories to them, a way fun picnic outting for your family, writing some cards to those that need some encouraging, thanking, or congratulating…and so on. I’m wouldn’t be surprised if you read that and role your eyes thinking “yuck, I don’t feel like giving anything right now.” Just give it a try. πŸ™‚ And one final- and most important thought- Jesus is bigger than this move, trust Him, cry to Him, and He is always faithful.

  34. Allison – when we sold our home 3 years ago – we had to make a similar choice so instead of our dream home 1/2 hour away with different schools and friends, we decided to stay in our neighborhood. 3 years later…best friends have moved, changed sitters, job & we live in a house we do not like and unless we bulldoze it and start over – we are stuck. Not to mention the economy in our area is still bad and we are underwater. Sometimes leaving is the best thing. The reasons you want to stay – may not be valid in 3 or 4 years. If you love the house and your kids are flexible – go for it. Change is good

  35. Hi Allison! This post really struck a chord in me because I’ve experienced some similar things. When my husband and I first got married, we lived at my parents’ house so we could save some money while looking for a place to live. (We’re from south east asia where living with parents and/or extended family is totally normal) Anyway, my husband and I were so ready to move and we found a townhouse that we were SO excited to move into. For weeks we planned our move, bought appliances, planned decorations and dreamed about finally living in our first home.

    Then the day we packed the last of our stuff at my parent’s house, I looked at the empty room where my husband and I had lived for two years and I just lost it. I cried and cried and cried. I mean, I didn’t even cry that much when I went to college in the States and my family was in Asia…this was so strange! But I think it was definitely about letting go and moving into a new chapter in our lives and just being a little scared about the move. I also felt sentimental about the little room we had lived in.

    When we were finally settled in our townhouse, I felt depressed for quite a long time and had a hard time adjusting. Two years later, I still don’t love our house because I hate all the stairs (5 levels worth!), it isn’t practical if we have kids with the stairs, and it’s just not even close to being a “forever home.” I know we’re lucky to even have a house, but I can’t help the way I feel. If we could find a one or two story home in a decent and safe area that fits our budget I would move in a heartbeat.

    In the meantime, I’ve tried as much as I can to make our house a home, but I’m always on the lookout for house listings in case we find something better. Sigh….I don’t mean to depress you or make you feel worse, but I would like to say that when you move into your home and you’re still really unhappy after a year, I would definitely consider moving. Especially since it seems financially doable for you guys.

    PS. Another short story — I once had a perfectly good Honda civic, which I traded in for a new model Toyota Rav 4. After driving in the Rav for a few months, I realized I simply did not feel safe in it because it felt more unstable, especially during turns and on bridges. It was also heavier to drive and more expensive to gas up. I ended up trading it back in for another Honday Civic and I did lose some money, but I NEVER for a minute regretted the decision. It was totally worth it to feel safer in the Honda.

    Sorry, I didn’t mean to write a book, but wishing you good luck with everything!!!!

  36. I’ve re-read this article a couple of times when I’m not sure if I’m making the right choice. It helps! http://experiencelife.com/article/5-gut-instincts-you-shouldnt-ignore/

  37. Lisa Conforto says:

    I sure can relate to your feelings, a while back I too went from our family house into a new home. All I can say is that leaving that new house is not realistic. Take all that depression energy and make your new home your own. That is what I did and now I wouldn’t move for the world. Once you start with that paint and decorating magic you will soon have love for your new home. So don’t waste any time get started! Your just a little overwhelmed but trust me you will overcome it. Happy decorating and have fun !

  38. Elaine in Ark says:

    First of all, stop beating yourself up because your emotions are all over the place. They are – that’s all, they just are.

    All change is stressful, even the really good changes.

    It’s hard leaving your “world”. You know everyone there, and you know where everything is th

  39. Hi! You don’t know me but I follow your blog daily! I love to give advice especially when it isn’t asked for! I told you before that it was because of you that my husband and I started the Total Money Makeover. You are a great role model. Maybe that was at the forefront of your decision? Nothing wrong with that. First of all, your feelings are normal. We left warm Georgia to move back to cold Wisconsin. I regret it every winter! Second, I am a “second guesser”. so I can relate. Get this, hubby got a vasectomy and the NEXT DAY I am on the computer researching procedures to reverse it!! CRaaazy! Third, give your new home some time. I have learned through many moves that “YOU CAN ALWAYS MOVE BACK.” Pray a lot, surround yourself with happy people, decorate and remodel, blog about it then see how you and your family are feeling!
    Good luck to you and your family!

  40. Elaine in Ark says:

    (Sorry, hit the button by mistake)

    …you know where everything is there.

    But you have to remember that you’re only moving a few minutes away, and that your old “world” and your new “world” will bump, and touch, and your family and friends will be moving back and forth between them. And eventually, your two worlds will be one world.

    I know you’re sick of crying, but as Shrek says, “better out than in”.

    Let’s see how you are tomorrow.

  41. Hi there! I know how you feel. We moved years ago, and I kept thinking “I’ve left all my friends!” but you know what? I don’t know what I’d do today without my “new” friends I’ve made here. If only I could have seen into the future and been able to see what good friends I would eventually make here. πŸ™‚ I tend to “over-think” things too. Or so my hubby says. πŸ™‚ My mom is always telling me to “Let go and let God take over.” It’s so hard to do sometimes, but I do feel better when I give myself a break from all the over thinking and just turn it over to Him. You can still see your old friends. Just invite them over to your new place and invite your kids friends over for play dates, etc.

    When my sister in law moved thousands of miles away from family and friends, she just pretended she was “on a really long vacation” for a year. Ha! It made her feel better to take things slowly and in less than a year, she felt at home there. Sometimes I think it helps to give yourself a timeline. Like, say something like, “I’ll see how I feel in one month, then two, then 6 months, then a year.” Once you give yourself “permission” to not think about the whole “did we do the right thing?” you can relax and live your life and pretty soon, you’ll get into a new routine and feel so much better. Then after the first month, you’ll think “wait…what was I supposed to be worrying about?” πŸ™‚

    Well, I probably wasn’t much help, but I hate to see a fellow Texan is distress. πŸ™‚ Try to enjoy your Mother’s Day weekend with those sweet kids. πŸ™‚

  42. Kori Whited says:

    Hi Allison! You and I live in the same metro area, and my family made the leap from closer to the “big city” to a medium-sized chunk of land over ten years ago. It was a little scary but ultimately it was the right decision for our family, while the kids were growing up. If you need a local that made the move and kind of went through the same thing to talk to, feel free to email me. Who knows – we may even be sorta neighbors now? (Sorry, did not mean that in a stalker-y way; there’re just quite a few houses on larger lots out where we are)

  43. Take a deep breath, and pray about it! It’s so going to work out. Go with your gut feeling-if that says move, then move. If it says stay, then stay!

  44. Dear Allison,

    After I read your letter I felt deep down that you are grieving. Grieving the things you have lost or think you may lose in your move. It may take you some time to see that you haven’t lost anything and have gained instead. I send you many gentle hugs and much heartfelt feeling. Hang in there, Sweetie. XO

  45. I had the same thing happen to me! We bought our first house right after we got married. I grew up in a trailer home, so it was really important for me to have a REAL HOUSE! We wanted land and a workshop for my husband, and looked off and on for just over 6 years – not really looking, but just seeing what was out there. We completely redid the old house and were through with almost everything when we found our dream home. It had good bones but needed a lot of cosmetic work and the yard hadn’t been kept up with in years. I fell in love at first sight (dog piss carpet smell not withstanding!). We made an offer . . . and then my husband spent the next few months while we moved and tried to sell our old home trying to talk me into staying in the new one. I missed our neighbors (who were practically family!). I missed being so close to I-35 (I’m just up the road from you South of Waco). I missed being minutes away from Kohls. We had some nightmares selling our old house, and I continually thought we had made a mistake. There were many nights I cried myself to sleep and had panic attacks. After a few months this place felt like home. Looking back almost two years later . . . I have no idea why I was so nuts. I love the peace and quiet at our home. The fact that the stores aren’t so close to me means I save money because we have to plan to go shopping to save on gas, so there aren’t impulse trips. My daughter LOVES having a huge yard. I love sitting outside in the evenings (well, not during June or July or August) and listening to the wildlife. I go back to the old neighborhood to visit friends and feel claustrophobic with the houses so close together (and our old neighborhood had .5 acre lots, so they weren’t even that close).

    TLDR Version: What you are going through is normal, and you will love this house in just a few months. I’d give it at least a year or two before you think about moving again. Moving the summer before 9th grade is actually a really good time to move because most high schools have several middle schools feeding into them, so there is always a mix of new kids. Spend the summer enjoying your kids and making this house your home, and in a few months you will look back and laugh!!!

  46. Hi Allison,

    As someone who has lived in 21 homes in the last 25 years, I can relate to what you are going through. I also have the depression (maybe moving that many times is a factor?) so emotional things are sometimes difficult to weed through. These things I know to be true. 1. It takes at least a year to get used to a new house and new community, at the bare minimum. 2. Leaving a good support system and lifestyle for the unknown is hard. You are a friendly person and I have no doubt that you will find your way in your new community/home, but it will take not only time, but a willingness to belong and make it yours to happen. 3. No important, life changing decision should ever be made when under the influence of excess emotions.

    My advice is to give it a year. Do everything you can in that year to try to fit in. Go meet your neighbors, join a club, go to the library, get kids involved in activities, become a part of the school, find a church if you attend. Ask your new neighbors for advice on where to shop and what places are good to eat at and you just might find something just as lovely as your old neighborhood.

    We, too, have traded in the neighborhood for some land. It was easy for us because our boys are best friends and love hanging out with each other, but it sounds like everyone is willing to give it a shot and if after a year you find that it just isn’t right, then you can make a change knowing that you did your best to make your dream come true and that your dreams were really different than you thought.

    At any rate, that’s what I’d do. I’m on month 9 of making my new home my dream. It takes work but it can be done. Best wishes. Suesan

  47. I never comment on blogs, but….Allison needs support and kind words right now.

    Thanks to everyone who has given her these gifts during this stressful time in her life. And to the one person who….well, I don’t know what to call what that person did…

    I just don’t understand folks who feel the need to bash good people when they are going through a trying (crying!) time in their life. Especially in such a public way.

    Allison, please follow your heart.

  48. I am new to your blog and LOVE IT. This post was perfectly timed for me to read this morning as my husband and I spent our first night in our new (still-being-renovated) house and I literally laid awake in the middle of the night until he woke up to go “all-the-way-downstairs” and use the one bathroom that is currently functional instead of going by myself like a big girl. Who loses their nerve go pee?!?!? πŸ™‚

    I think you should decide that for the next three months you are going to give this house YOUR BEST. Paint things, fix things up, do what you can do so that if you sell it, you will have added value; and if you stay, you will LOVE IT. You have a great eye for style and color and making homes inviting and warm. If you sell, anyone would be happy to have your touch added to a house and if you stay, all your new friends will be amazed at what you’ve done in such a short time!

    The other thing you should do is give this version of your life YOUR BEST. On Monday morning, call your kid’s new school, take them for a tour, see if they can meet some other kids, and this summer, set up play dates and family dinners like IT. IS. YOUR. JOB.

    One of two things will happen: 1. You will fall in love, or at least “in like” with your new place and you will be willing to give it a longer shot in the new house; 2. You will not love your new place…but if you give it your best effort at making it your new home, and still decide to leave, you will always know in your heart that you really tried and the old neighborhood was the better choice for your family. Either way, you will feel like you gave it your best try.

    Hang in there, sister…and be glad you took risks. They’re the mark of a life well lived!

  49. (((((Hugs))))) It’s a huge step. When my husband and I bought our house I had a huge break down. I sat in the bubble bath crying begging him to not do it. To make it even worse I lived in a tiny single wide trailer in a drug neighborhood, obviously not where I wanted to live. We were moving to a nice house with plenty of room in the best neighborhood in our town. But I still had a huge break down.

  50. I am not going to try to rewrite what so any have already covered. I think Jennifer from RABOM had some of the best to offer. lots of really good wisdom from all of he many who truly care about you and your well-being. I am so looking fwd to all your great adventures. Do not want to bring up the hormones but it is something to consider also. I have know a number of young women that were premenopausal and things minor compared to a new house, new schools etc. really threw them for a loop. Is it time for a trip to the Dr.??

    • I’m astounded that you would say this. Downgrading emotions to hormonal reactions is really disparaging. Women’s thoughts and opinions are often downplayed because women are seen as too emotional due to their hormones. Emotions are normal, and stress can bring them out in anyone. I hope you are treated with more respect than you treat other women.

      • Frammitz, I really feel like her comment was meant in the most supportive loving way possible. I have struggled with hormone issues and depression for 10+ years, and some of the people who read this blog know about those struggles. I think Brenda was just trying to help and remind me that it might be a hormone issue because I have had issues in the past (including with my thyroid as well). I really genuinely appreciate your support as well and your passion for defending women. Too often our emotions are blamed on PMS, which is wrong. And I feel the same way you do. But I really do feel in this situation Brenda was just trying to be a good friend to me.

  51. I’ve never commented before, but I love your blog :). This post really struck a chord with me, as we get possession of a new home in less than three weeks – ack! I literally had a conversation with my hubby last night centred around the fact that I thought I was losing my marbles. I didn’t even feel like myself! Turns out moving (and preparing to move) causes a lot of stress! :). As the others have mentioned, I think it just takes throwing yourself into life around your new place, and being intentional about maintaining “old” friendships. And giving yourself a break to just rest – mentally, physically and spiritually – and enjoy your family in the new place. But yes, these big changes are really, really hard – and I just wanted to chime in and say that you’re not alone!

  52. Allison, I know exactly how you feel. We are moving this summer and have moved many times because my husband is in the military. I cry just thinking about leaving this house but I tell people that as a military spouse I’ve made every house our best house and that is what you are going to do too. I cried leaving a house where I wasn’t safe in Yemen. I cried leaving an apartment on the banks of the Aare river in Switzerland. I cried leaving our tiny house in NC. Someone that puts the work and creativity into their space is going to get attached and crazy about leaving it. How could you not?
    You will get by this stage and start getting attached to your new space and when I’m feeling this way in a month I’m going to email you and ask you what helped!
    Kate

  53. Thanks for sharing your story, I love your honesty. Moving is a big deal so I think it’s normal that you’re freaking out. Freak outs are okay for any big change πŸ™‚ I think your plan to see how it goes this summer is a good idea. Although moving is a big process, it’s nothing that can’t be undone. You can always move back. But I think it’s worth giving the new house a shot. It was your dream at some point, so you might find you love it. Plus you can still stay in contact with your old friends and maybe you’ll make some new great ones here. You’re not losing old friends, you’re gaining new ones! So I like your idea of seeing how it goes and re-evaluating in a few months. Sometimes the scariest changes are the best ones for us, and I have a suspicion things will work out wonderfully for you!

  54. i love you! I blog when i am depressed, but i add them as hidden – so that it doesn’t actually post for the world to see. You are much braver than i am because you actually let us into your life!

    I’m sure that some of these other people who have commented have mentioned this:
    1. There is a phenomenon called “buyer’s remorse”. Everyone’s monetary level requirements for BR is a little different.. mine is pretty low… i freak when i buy anything $100 or more… i ALWAYS have regrets – even if i get a gift that is $100 or more, i feel guilty, and depressed.
    2. You are teaching your children fantastic skills by showing them that you can change and adapt. (Even with tears streaming down your face – you are teaching them that change happens, and this is one way to handle it – freak out a bit, then move forward with your head held high!)
    3. I personally, don’t think it’s good for children to stay in one school district or another their entire school career. Different schools offer different experiences, classes, and opportunities! Who knows, your children may find their soul mate in this next school?! Even thought they aren’t allowed to date until they are 30, they can keep in touch with this soul mate for life!
    4. You are brave, you have a loving supportive husband and family, you ooze creativity out of your pores. It’s scary, it’s a lot of money, and it’s different… but, you will do fantastic!!

    You’ve got this! The country living, is AH-Mazing! Think about the birthday parties, summer get-to-gethers, and holidays you can spend at your place – because you guys have the best yard space!! Think about the late night “flash light tag” games you can play, and the camp outs in your own yard you can plan!!

    i think you are freaking now, but it will smooth over – i don’t want to tell you to “get over it” because that sounds so harsh, and some people just don’t get it in the first place… but i think you’ll quit freaking out… probably about the time you finish that first project… Have you made your “to-do” list yet?? πŸ™‚

  55. My recommendation would be to do a “square.” This is a technique by Louise Hay and it really works! Take a piece of paper and draw a vertical line down the center and a horizontal one across, diving the paper up into 4 quadrants (or if you have a lot of feelings you can use 4 separate pieces of paper). Next, write the following titles:
    Upper left corner “Desire to live in new neighborhood”
    Upper right corner “Fear of living in new neighborhood”
    Lower left corner “Desire to live in old neighborhood”
    Lower right corner “Fear of living in old neighborhood”

    Next take 15-20 minutes to write down all your fears/desires associated with each topic. This is not a pros and cons list… Focus on you fears and desires. Dig deep. This helps to bring all of your subconscious issues to the surface. Do not leave any of the quadrants blank. Think hard. Then circle any of the items that are the same. For example, under “Desire to live in new neighborhood” you may write: “lots of land to grow a garden” but then under “Fear of living in new neighborhood” you may write “so far out of town will have to grow a garden (to feed family).” Theses are called “the polarities that bind.” Basically, sometimes our fears/desires are the same and this is what gives you the ping pong emotions…

    The last step is to hold your piece of paper up in the air and say a prayer to release your feelings and look to the universe for guidance. Send me your email and I can send you the prayer. It’s to long to type here… After you say the prayer you then rip up the paper into tiny pieces and throw it up in the air or you can burn it… Finally, you wait for “grace” and your feelings will subside and the answer will come to you. This can take anywhere from a few days to a few months. This technique works on any opposites so if there other things bothering you you can do several topics… ie life/death rich/poor superior/inferior etc.

    I hope this helps! Try it! πŸ™‚

  56. Our family has moved 6 times in the last 12 years and it’s always emotional and difficult. There is always good that comes from it. The difference is….we have always moved for job transfers for my husband’s work and the transfers have usually been cross-country. We knew going into each move that it would mean a big change and there would be loss but also some excitement at trying something new. The difference for you is that you moved a short distance—-BUT STILL, EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED FOR YOU. I think you are feeling overwhelmed because you weren’t prepared for it to feel that way. Yes, you can still visit your old friends, but I think that this big change has kind of snuck up on you! So while you can still do some of your old things and see established friends, all of your daily routines are going to be different. I think you will settle in and start feeling comfortable over time. One thing that I would highly recommend that you do to meet new people in your neighborhood is to hang out at the school bus stop. If that is a conflict with your current school drop offs or pick ups, I would pick a day to get the kids early and walk out to your new bus stop to meet all the Moms and kids (that’s the quickest way to meet all the neighbors on our street!). Best wishes to you and also bravo for being brave enough to honestly put your feelings out there.

  57. Allison, I seem to remember you mentioning having bouts of depression. Then, if I remember correctly, you started a diet that made you feel better. Perhaps in all of this upheaval you have forsaken your special diet.

    Also, antihistamines, regular or non-drowsy, can have a cumulative effect and can lead to feelings of depression. It is allergy season, so I thought I would mention it.

    Please hang in there! I lived in the suburbs my entire life. When I remarried 14 years ago, we moved to the country – 15 minutes from the nearest town, 45 minutes from any real shopping. It is an adjustment, but it is SO worth it. When you finally really reconnect with nature (in my opinion, the way God intended for us to live), you won’t want to go back.

    And, finally, ask God to help you through this. There is a book that can help you through difficult times. It is “Jesus Today” by Sarah Young. It’s a sort of daily devotional book. You can just read a passage each day reminding you that Jesus is there for you. All you have to to is lean on Him and let Him carry your burden for you.

  58. Wow, so many wonderful comments already. I know you aren’t looking for anyone to fix this, or even provide you with answer, so I’ll just say that I am praying for you to find some peace. Change is hard, give yourself some time, but know that nothing is permanent. You can always make a change, so don’t put so much pressure n yourself or impose a timeframe for when you “need” to do something by.

    I am currently packing and moving to another state where I know no one. I am forced to do this because of financial reasons, and I a, truly scared to death, but I also believe that we make our our happiness. I know I will be depressed and lonely at times, especially in the beginning, but I can choose to make myself happy or miserable there, I will choose to be happy.

    Hugs,
    Maureen

  59. It’s roughly 3,500 miles to my nearest Target, and I’m not even joking! Your new yard really is my dream. Hope you feel better soon x

  60. Lots of good advice has been posted here. Sometimes you shake your life up and expect all the goodness to sprinkle down. But, it’s also scary. I moved to 2 different countries in 2 years and cried my eyes out quite a few times. New everything is exhausting. Would I change it now? No way. Did it seem impossible at the time? Absolutely. While living abroad my sister died, my father died, my son got sick. I was a mess. But new people rose to help me, along with my old friends. My world got bigger. I grew stronger. Your problems seem huge right now, but you will over come. Trust your dreams.

  61. You already have lots of great advice and words of wisdom, so I’m just here to give you a hug πŸ™‚

  62. I think almost everyone has had that moment when we think “What was I thinking??” Sometimes on little things, sometimes on huge life altering events–like buying a house we may not have considered all of the ramifications of this new purchase. I think the best thing to do–and maybe not the easiest–is to just start in on loving the house you now are living in. Make the changes you want in the way you want, work in your new yard and make it your sanctuary with flowers and plants and restful places to relax. Put your energy into the positives of what this home is and what it will be. I am certain you will in the end love it more than you ever believed you could. And twenty minutes from anywhere is no time at all in the grand scheme of things. Play your favorite music or a book on tape on that short ride–time goes so fast. Rewrite this post a year from now and I bet you will be laughing at yourself over all your fears. Good luck to you……

  63. Bless your heart! This must be a very unsettling, horrific ordeal right now. I for one have almost always lived “in the country”, and love it! I’m sure in time you’ll look back at this and say, “what the heck was I thinking when I was such an emotional wreck?” Good luck! It will all work out….I promise πŸ˜‰

  64. I am so amazed at all the uplifting and caring advice you’ve been given ( I have to admit that after about a zillion posts I just started skimming the rest). Do you realize that although you’re moving away from your close friends, you will always have us! We love you and thank you for being you–stressed out & feeling manic or full of life & optimism! Love you girl; you’ll be okay. Focus ahead, not back.

  65. OK, so I think you might be grieving! You KNOW this is a good move/decision but it is hard to process everything changing so much and not feel a sense of loss, and therefore be confused about whether this is a good decision or not.
    I would try to connect to those things that feel familiar to you as much as possible until you can make your new place feel more like home. I had the same reaction when we brought home my firstborn– my WHOLE WORLD had changed, and when we got home my mom was there (which was awesome) but that meant even home felt different. (She bought different things at the grocery store, she put the dishes away in odd places, she watched Monk reruns incessantly!) My coping mechanism was to watch random shows that I loved and catch up on my favorite blogs- anything that felt “the same” until I adjusted to my new reality!
    I hope you can settle and feel confident in your decision very soon!

  66. Hey girl, sometimes you just need to hear the good stories… I remarried 4 years ago and had to sell my home of 10 years. We had an in ground pool, we lived in a cul de sac, my best friend lived two houses down. Having to move was awful!! But I couldn’t ask my husband to sell his house and move into the house I shared with my ex! Fast forward 4 years… I am soooo happy here!! I have wonderful neighbors, my son has made great friends, and I couldn’t be happier. I still miss my old house every once in a while, but my mom always says, “what’s meant for you won’t go past you.” And I believe that is so true. Time will make it better, I promise:)

  67. Allison, I’m sad your sad. Turn that frown upside down girlfriend. Although, I’m an uber emotional person so I can’t even imagine the wave of emotions you are experiencing right now. Hang in there friend. Jon and I are at the point where we have “lived out in the country” (but not a lot of property just far out), and we are sick and tired of driving every where. Just think you can still go visit your friends in the summer and take your kids to go swim with their friends. It’s only 20 minutes away! πŸ™‚

  68. Wow, what amazing readers you have! I wish I had a group of gals this great for when I’m having a life crisis!

    Here’s my story to help you feel better.
    Years ago we lived in Central Austin and decided we wanted to move to the country. We sold our house and bought land in Georgetown and started building our new home. I was worried the moment I handed over the keys to my old house that I had made a mistake. I thought I would fall out of my friend’s social circle and be lonely and isolated. It totally didn’t happen that way! I still saw all my old Austin friends (albeit with planning) but my new Georgetown neighbors turned out to be great friends and so supportive to me. I had some hard times coming my way, and they and the Lord helped me through!

    Another moving story that turns out well:
    In 8th grade my parents decided to move and thus I had to unexpectedly go to a new highschool where I knew NO ONE. I was furious at them for most of 9th grade. I later met my husband there and we have been happily married for 20 years and have a wonderful kiddo.

    You have no idea the blessings that God has in store for you. Trust Him and your husband. πŸ™‚

  69. Allison, it is ok to be sad. There is nothing more stressful than buying or selling a home. You are doing both, at the same time! You just try and remember all the positive reasons you were drawn there, trust your instinct. I really like your new place and being a fellow Texan can honestly tell you those shade trees and pool are gonna rock this summer! We down sized to one story also and don’t miss all those stairs or extra cost to cool such a big house! My DH would be thrilled about money saved with less trips to Target. haha. Things will come together and we will all be looking forward to seeing your up-dates. Take care.

  70. I could have written this myself. Today. Would love to know what you did and how you are feeling.

  71. Like, Shelley, I also could have written this myself today. I would love to know how you’re coping now that a few months have passed. Have you grown more attached to your new home or are you still longing to move back?

    Thank you also for writing this post. I feel so much better knowing that I’m not alone having such a similar situation – and identical feelings – to yours.

    • I should do an update post! I am SO HAPPY here and haven’t looked back since. I love my house, my yard, the city, the community, the schools. I love living in the country too. I think when I moved in I was just scared. I was petrified. It was a big change for me, but now that I did it I am so happy.

  72. Oh my goodness…I get you. I moved from Oregon to Florida 4.5 months ago and I can’t breath. We moved so my husband could start a brand new job. I was excited. I thought I was done with cloudy days…looking for sun. But we got here and I realized I loved my community. We were not from Oregon originally but had lived there 12 years and I had worked very hard to build a life and community. What was I thinking? I can’t breath, I cry all the time. Community takes so long to build and I’m not sure if I want to do it again. The culture is different…everything is so spread out here…I find myself sittinng in the car all the time. I love being active and I’m not finding I have that lifestyle here…it’s so sticky…the gym is far. I miss my neighborhood…my old home…my children’s friends and their parents. My way of life. I’m miserable and it is definitely putting a strain between me and my husband. You know sometimes things look good on paper and you can do all the research under the sun but you can’t judge the heart thing.

  73. Thank you for writing this blog – this is exactly how I am feeling. Reading your blog and other people’s comments have made me feel a big better. I just can’t seem to get over this horrible feeling that I’ve done the wrong thing by moving house.
    I had been in my previous house for 8 years, my two children were born within that time and it was in a nice estate in the west of Scotland. I have only moved about 30 minutes away but it feels further! I wanted to pull out of the move about two weeks before the move date as I was having doubts, but my husband just talked me out if it. I too was having panic attacks which have subsided a little, but I could honestly cry every day if I just think about everything I had. I have never felt like this in my life- I am usually a positive person and I now feel I have depression. I just miss it so much, and all I want to do is move back. I have said to my husband I will give it to next January and then I will put the house for sale. I have already registered with estate agents to notify me if a house comes up for sale in my old estate!! I have also returned to work after a three year career break raising my two children so my emotions are running high!
    Has anyone ever moved back? Will it make me feel better?

  74. Allison, please give more than a teeny tiny ‘update post’ on how you’re doing better. Not fair! After all you wrote and all the folks who wrote in (and those of us who are just reading) it would be better to give back by providing detail in an actual blog, as much as in the original, why you are ‘SO HAPPY’ and how you got there.

  75. I can so relate to all of this, and I wonder how I will feel a year from now…
    I owned a house about 15 minutes outside of the city, in a development…an inground pool I didn’t want, only about 1/4 acre, and neighbors everywhere. I met and married my husband and it was “our dream” to find a house in the country…we searched for 4.5 years, found it and it was beautiful..log cabin, 50 plus acres, a huge pond, trails, barn, hunting cabin…everything you can imagine…we were uncertain it would work but everything fell into place and we moved in last September. We had very little time to even enjoy the property before major problems occurred (water pressure, septic issues, etc etc) so we were spending money almost every week…then winter hit early and although we are only another 15 minutes south, it is always snowing at our house…and the house we live on is a huge hill and we had a car accident during the first snowstorm…(thankfully I wasn’t driving!)…right on our hill….I’m hating the cold and the snow and come spring, we have gardens to tend to, and the cabin needs stripping/staining and suddenly we see all the work that goes into owning a place like this! Everyone sees it as a paradise when they come over..as we saw it, but the stars are gone from my eyes, replaced by tired eyes and dollar signs. We doubled our mortgage to move here…I pray to God that come spring, we see what we saw before and the sunshine and longer days and the ability to enjoy the property (the only way to enjoy it now is with snow shoes). Part of me wants the old life back…or something simpler, and closer to the rest of the world…our plan now is a five year plan and then decide if this is the life we want…I think we wanted the life but maybe not the work? Or maybe after our first spring and summer the love will rekindle..right now, we are tired of winter and snow…should we have stayed where we are? I think God is teaching me that we always want more…but more may not be what is best. In this case, I still have hope that in a few months, I will love our home again..it is like everything in life, highs and lows..I can’t even get out to run on the hill we live on (its impossible) and high speed internet/cable is a thing of the past..I think if I’m honest, I miss Netflix and streaming more than I care to admit…to be continued….in a few months….

  76. Hi Allison,

    Just wondering now coming up on almost a year in the new house if things are better. Moving away is emotional especially for women. Your kids and husband sound very easy-going and supportive. Lucky you! I hope things are working out for all of you. Always follow your heart and try to listen to the small voice in your head that is telling you where to find your true happiness. I understand. Your blog is insightful. Also, nothing quite says it like WTF…seriously. Whoever coined it the first time got it right. All the best! Please write a follow up as to where you are today.

    • Diane,

      Thanks for checking in! I am in such a better place now. It was just really overwhelming for me to uproot and leave all my friends, and also moving from my nice pretty house to the new house that needed so.much.work. just about did me in. Once we got the new carpet in and I started painting I started to feel much more at home. We are now starting our kitchen renovation so I think that will help me feel like this is *my* house even more. I was worried I’d never see my friends again, but that wasn’t true at all. I have kept in touch with all of them and probably have a better relationship now that we have to put effort into it and not just take it for granted. We love living here!

  77. I have been reading all the various posts, trying to find something similar to mine. I have lived in my beautiful home for 20 years. my husband and I decided we wanted a house with less maintenance and everything on one floor. we looked for over a year and have decided to build – the new house will be our dream home and add only a few miles for a drive to work, still in the same community. My daughter and her husband want to buy our home, which means they will be living nearby vs. at least 20 miles away. I am happy one minute about how everything is falling in to place, and the next I am weepy eyed and thinking we made a terrible decision. help!

  78. Brandi Bernhagen says:

    UGh! I see this is an older post, but EXACTLY what I am going through. Isolated, on a “beautiful country lot”. 6 Acres, wolves, pheasants, no neighbors, no gas station for 8 miles………ugh, my husband will die if I tell him how bad I hate it here.

  79. Wow, this blog post is something I can definitely relate to. My mother and stepfather sold their home about two months ago…they now live about 30 minutes away from the old house. They lived in the old place from the time I was 15 years old and I’m in my early 30’s now, so yeah…it is a difficult transition although I’m now a married adult woman.

    I’ve been having serious trouble with adapting to the move, although I don’t live with my mother anymore and I know she is happy about moving.
    Maybe my depression has something to do with why her moving is affecting me so much. She thought that I disliked her old house…that isn’t true at all. It was a lovely place full of quaint charm. The house itself wasn’t a bad place; it was more the fact that my abusive stepfather infused a lot of bad energy into the environment, which tainted my view of the house.

    Looking back, there are so many things I appreciated about the old house. It makes me sad to realize that I will never be able to see it again because it is in a gated community…so I can’t even drive by to look at it one more time.
    I used to love looking up at the stars outside at night. That was something really special to me, seeing the stars in the deep velvet sky and the occasional airplane passing by. I used to smile when I would see the cats purring around the street my mother once lived on. I used to find beauty in these little things, like the shimmery walls of the house when the light would shine in a certain way.

    Things were also much cheaper in the old neighborhood too, like fuel and water. I also notice that the water quality in my mother’s new neighborhood is terrible…yucky hard water, yet it is somehow more expensive.
    I’ve tried washing my hair in it and it is slowly damaging my hair. In the old house, my hair looked and felt great because the quality of water was superior. Mind you, the old house was built in 1986 and the new one was built in 2003…so you would think that “newer” automatically means “better”.

    I find myself having to drive an even longer distance both to and from visiting my mom now, which I hate. I used to be able to simply jump onto the freeway with no problem. Now it takes me about two or three hours to drive to see her, and to get back home…and it isn’t exactly safe when you drive an old car like I do.

    Don’t misunderstand, I’m trying to be happy for my mother. I’m trying to look for the positives in this new house…it has a lake view, one of the ladies who works at the gate is really sweet, and it is generally a nice house in a fairly nice neighborhood.
    But this change is a shock to my system. When I leave my mom’s house after visiting her, there are no stars out at night. There are no cats purring or walking around. The street is quiet but in a creepy way, unlike the old neighborhood which was quiet but friendly. The kitchen sink is very small and although the kitchen itself is nice, it is too modern. There is just nothing about it that seems truly inviting or comfortable, the way a home should be.
    Plus I am reluctant to ever spend a night there because my mother pretty much enables my stepfather’s abusive and bizarre behavior…he is the type to fly off the handle about little things. They are both type A individuals and a bit OCD about things never, ever being out of place. So I wouldn’t want to spend a night in their new home because I would have to deal with more irrational craziness.

    Sorry to ramble on…just wanted to share my own feelings about moving. I will read some of your updates on how this is working out for you. Thanks!

  80. I’m glad I found your blog. I literally googled “do you miss your old house when you bought a new house”. I haven’t even moved yet, haven’t even closed yet. I’m really happy we are moving. We both are, but .. .I’m getting close to leaving and I feel bad about leaving my old house IN SOME WAYS… We’ve lived there 31 years, its been my entire married life. My son was born, grew up and has left, and we’ve been in that house all that time. We have a gorgeous yard, 13 acres, a brook through the back yard and a beaver pond across the street — and we are moving to a 3/4 acre 9 yr. old house with neighbors on either side. lol A HUGE change. But – we feel we need to. Hubby just turned 60 and the huge beautiful yard and fields are just TOO MUCH work. I have tons of flower gardens and veg gardens and its TOO MUCH WORK. All we do on the weekends is work in the yard, mowing, raking, weeding whatever. But I am still feeling a little sad. Someone said above ” I realized I was mourning my comfort zone. ” And you hit the nail on the head, that is exactly it. I love everyone saying that we will make new memories, and make it our own. I am lucky in that my “neighbors” and us had a huge falling out some years ago, so I won’t miss them, and we’re not super close to anyone else in town (people out in the country sort of mind their own bizness, I guess πŸ™‚ and — I am looking forward to it. Some days I hate my old house, and the town — but I still am having heart pangs. Its just change, like someone else said. Change is hard. But its right in our case. Thanks for your post and thanks for listening.

  81. Hi Allison,
    I came across your post just recently. Our home went in the market on Halloween…scary. I’ve lived in southern California all but 7 years of my life. And, I’m 60 now. My husband will be retiring this next year, and we have plans on moving to a small seaside community in Oregon. I’m excited, knowing that there are many changes waiting for me.

  82. Christopher says:

    Allison – I see so much of what I’m feeling right now in your words. It’s really uncanny. For two years, all my partner and I talked about was buying a house in the High Desert. More space for the $$$, cooler summers, beautiful mountains, no pollution or summer humidity, and acreage! So where did we wind up buying? In a country club a mile from where we currently live. I can’t explain the sense of urgency we felt during the home buying process. It’s was like “buy now, buy now, because prices are going up”, so we bought a house in a country club with many lovely features: a beautiful front yard and rear garden, all the bells and whistles but the house isn’t in the area I so desired, that we discussed nonstop for two years. Each time I haul boxes and clothes and kitchen stuff over to the new house, I feel angry. Then, I remind myself to try and live in gratitude. Put on a brave and a happy face. Some days I succeed and then there are other days — like today, I want to explode. Maybe I’m experiencing buyers remorse? If so, when does it end? We closed 4 weeks ago and it isn’t getting better. Truth told, I just can’t bring myself to opening my arms and embracing the new house. If I were a betting man, I suspect we will put the new house on the market in a few years and use the equity to buy a home in the High Desert. If I look at it from this perspective, I think I can survive.

  83. My husband and I just moved to a small town in eastern NC. We bought a house in the historic district. I hate it! I miss the beach. My house was full of “bad” surprises! Have spent 11,000 in the past two months ( have only lived here 4 months). The seller was not forthcoming with problems that were unseen! I hate it so bad I just want to move back to the beach! I am dying in this old house. I cry every day and pray to God that I can move back to coastal North Carolina.

  84. I know this post is quite old, but I just want to say Thank You for writing it. I am going through the same exact thing right now. We moved 20 minutes from our old house and neighbirhood, in search of a single level home with cheaper mortgage and better schools. I feel like I have made the biggest mistake of my life!!! I keep rehashing our decision, wondering how we could have *ever* thought this was a good idea. I think of my old house and block throughout the day as if it is paradise. I am up right now in the middle of the night crying about this. Your blog post helps me see that other people have felt like this too. Lots of good comments on here, also! I keep telling myself I only have to live in this new house for one more year…. But then I feel guilty about uprooting my kids again.

  85. Hi,
    I found this blog By chance and I feel the same way. My husband and I closed on our first home this past Halloween. I was so excited to move in (and finally have all the room and property that I thought I wanted). My husband, being much wiser and more rational, thought we should stay in the area we were living and look for a nice house on a half to one acre. I didn’t listen because I was sure it would be better for us to have more property, so we agreed to buy this house on 5 acres, 40+ miles from everything we know. We were both working in the town we moved from but I had to stop because I could barely make it home at night. My husband is still working there. I am having trouble to actually start working where I was hired down by our house, so I’m mostly at home with our two little boys (2 and 4 in March). I like our house and my wonderful husband is working so hard to update it and fix things to make it beautiful. However it needs a lot more work than we anticipated and we feel that the sellers did not disclose certain problems. I cry every day because I feel like we made a terrible mistake buying this house. It is too much property and way too far from everyone we know. It costs too much to heat, so we have to keep the thermostat so low that it is cold in here all the time. The property is overgrown and mostly wooded and with how much time we will have to be at work, to be able to pay the mortgage, I dont see how we will be able to do much with it. I was planning to homeschool our kids but I won’t have time now so we will have to put them in school. I did not pay much attention to the schools around us before we purchased the house so I feel very bad about that. I just regret moving down here and I can’t think about anything else but moving back to where we were, even to have a small house on a small piece of property. I feel absolutely terrible because my husband says he will not give up on this house. He doesn’t regret it but I believe we made the worst mistake ever.

    • I am so sorry! HUGS! Moving to a new location, especially going from the suburbs to the country, was so hard on us, but after a year and a half I am finally settled. Just focus on the good parts and try to stay positive. Also, if you have any way to do so, do things to make the house YOUR home – painting is a good start. Hang artwork, organize, put up curtains – anything you can do to make it feel like your home and not someone else’s house. You knew you wanted this before you did it, so try to focus on the reasons why you wanted it so bad. Remind yourself of those reasons daily. Also, get out and get to know people in your community! Find some playgroups and meet other local moms. My daughter’s girl scout troop and volleyball team (both local to our new community) helped save me!

  86. Thank you for posting this, I am going through the same thing right now and thought I was the only one.
    -Ellen

  87. Jennifer Lee says:

    I am in this exact situation right now. We are closing on a home soon and I am panicking. I made myself so sick with anxiety that I couldn’t eat for days. I was looking forward to this house for months, it’s extremely expensive since we are in the hottest real estate market in the country and prices just keep going up. At least that’s what everyone is telling me. I know the house is overpriced and will need major renovations but the location is better (closer to transportation and stores) than some other updated but slightly cheaper houses. Long story short the house has actually been affected by Sandy and the sellers reassured us everything was fixed, but were not going to provide documentation. I am panicking now because there is risk buying so close to the water, because it’s so expensive and because recently we found out there are a ton of hidden issues the seller never disclosed (from person who lives there). I do have the money set aside for all this, but I wonder if I am rushing into it (even though I was looking for a year and fell in love with the house’s possibilities the moment I saw it). I can’t figure out if the anxiety was from finding out there were hidden issues, buyer’s anxiety, or actual internal gut feeling telling me this isn’t a good decision. I am still trying to figure out how to proceed, go ahead with closing or try to pull out. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m terrified of becoming a homeowner or because of the flood risk or because of massive change ahead, and I think because the house is already so expensive there might not be such a high turnover when I decide to sell, although the realtor told me otherwise.

  88. This story is so familiar to me because something like this happened to me. Last year I moved in the house of my dreams. When I bought it I started to hesitate whether I had made the right decision. This period was about a month and then I realized that everything worth it because I had worked for that house so hard. I think that everybody has such a period when something has changed in their lives.

  89. I feel remorseful for selling my home. I had fixed up our previous home of 23 years, addition in 2000, remodeled kitchen and finished basement. The kids are in college so I thought it would be good to move. We found a place 5 miles away with more land. It fells like I moved 50 miles away. I was smitten with the bigger yard and did not pay attention to the work that was needed on the inside. The kids rooms are smaller with less closet space and clothes are all over the place. I keep on having anxiety issues and usually wake up very depressed about how Dumb a move I made. I had warning signs from friends and neighbors who said “why would you want to move after all the work you put into it? I ignored them thinking I knew better. I can’t even visit the old neighbors cause I would break down and cry. I estimate that I will have to spend $50k to get the house in shape and I paid more than I sold the old home for. I get so worked up about it that its affecting my work and my family. I try kit to show it but it’s bustling up inside and I feel very depressed. I even called my realtor before we closed and kidded with him that I might lose my job….I was trying to hint to him that I wanted out but he didn’t think twice about it saying I had to follow through. Please someone give me some assurance that it will work out. I keep looking at real estate websites to try to find a home like my old one in the same neighborhood and it’s driving me crazy

  90. I can relate so much with what you wrote, I’m having such a hard time with our new house… and it was supposed to be a dream coming true! πŸ™ I have also a small business of my own, so it’s twice as hard, because I have to be in shape mentally and physically when I work.

  91. Hi Allison,

    I’m so glad I came across your post… I google’d “nervous about moving into a new home” and this came up. We’re moving from city to the country and I’m no means a “country” girl. Sure I like to do some “countryish” things but I feel like I wont fit in… Is that bad? I’m going to read your follow up to the post now. Any tips for me?

  92. THANK YOU ALLISON for writing this!! I feel the exact same way…we just moved the weekend before Christmas…worst time of the year if you ask me! Moving/renovating stress with the holiday stress sprinkled on top….UGH! I think my husband thinks I’m crazy since he appears and says hes fine. I’m convinced women and men are affected by things COMPLETELY differently. I honestly could cry at any moment, and I’m not sure if it is because of the memories I feel I’m leaving behind, I’m not “at home” yet in the new, or if every stepping stone I have makes me realize my parents are getting older (enter the “crazy thoughts” here…).

    Anyone else experience the stepping stone feelings?

  93. A few months ago we moved from our house where our kids grew up. Our youngest son is 16 and misses his friends. He could just walk outside to spend time with them but now we have to drive for him to see them. We rent our other house to our daughter and our son in law. They plan to rent it for a year. I’m thinking maybe we should move back. I miss it.

    • Moving is HARD. It is a major trauma in your life. Give it time. Get out. Make friends. Go have drinks. Just BE. Don’t rush it. It will happen.

      • I’m wondering if we should have waited until my youngest son is older. I hate how I’m feeling over this. I’m considering talking to my husband about it this weekend. I’m really considering moving back when my daughter and son in law move.
        What happened in our case was that we always dreamed of living in a log home. We were out riding one day and my husband spotted a for sale sign in this yard. Cute cabin. He loved it so we check into it and ended up buying it. But I really miss our old house,yard my son’s friends always being there. I know it sounds crazy.

        • It’s hard, especially when you have teenagers and it affects them. Only you know what is best for you. You will figure it out. Or just make your daughter trade houses with you!

  94. I’m wondering if we should have waited until my youngest son is older. I hate how I’m feeling over this. I’m considering talking to my husband about it this weekend. I’m really considering moving back when my daughter and son in law move.
    What happened in our case was that we always dreamed of living in a log home. We were out riding one day and my husband spotted a for sale sign in this yard. Cute cabin. He loved it so we check into it and ended up buying it. But I really miss our old house,yard my son’s friends always being there. I know it sounds crazy.

  95. Hello,

    I am living this right now! We have been wanting to sell our current home for the last 18 months. The sale is finally happening and now I am so scared. I ask myself hourly Why? Why did I want to sell? Do we really need a bigger house with land? My anxiety increases when I think about the changes for our kids. We will be in the same town, but different bus routes. Please send me a message letting me know how your adventure turned out.

  96. alison ferrari says:

    Omg…..this is so cathartic to be reading these posts! After a couple of years “talking” about it, my husband and I decided, less than 2 weeks ago, to make the move! We are listing our home this week. We put an offer in on a home last night! Yes, this is moving VERY fast!! We do know the area and we know what we wanted if/when we were to decide to move. Actually doing it is another matter. Like so many of you who have posted, I am a mess……nervous stomach, hives, trouble sleeping! This is a BIG deal for us! We have lived in our home for 26+ years and have raised our three children here! I am SOOO conflicted! I really like my current home, but have always dreamed of living in an older home and having some land.
    P.S. I felt that it was kismet that I landed on this site……my name is Alison! πŸ™‚ Thanks for giving me a forum to vent and the opportunity to read the stories of so many others and know that I am not alone with my confused feelings and emotions.

  97. Thanks for speaking your mind. I know this is an old post, but I hope things have gotten much better and that you’re enjoying your new home now.

    My husband and I are in the end stages of buying a house, and I’m going through much the same thing–constantly roller coastering between euphoria and despair/doubt. I won’t miss our old neighborhood, but we raised our kids in our Victorian, which we intend to sell as it has become too much for us to take care of. What’s more, though we love the new house, which is an adorable 1942 Cape Cod, there are some cons. First and foremost, the house is small, and we’ll be living there with an adult son. We’ll be going from 6000 square feet to 1000 square feet, which means we’ll have to get rid of most of our belongings. The house is also on a very busy street that has no parking and it needs a lot of work–rewiring, a new fence for our dogs, minor remodeling, and some trees cut down. Sometimes I ask myself what in the world I’m thinking.

    Best wishes!

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